Dear Diary
by Silverblade11
Summary: After Ginny's tragic death, her diary is found. Rated M for rape, self mutilation, and strong violence. UNDER CONSTRUCTION FOR THE FIRST 20 CHAPTERS.
1. Page 1

**A/N: This is going to be confusing for some of you but I think that my story sucks in the first few chapters so this is the first chapter that I am re-writing. I hope to make this story so much better than it already is so I am re-writing chapters and replacing them when I have time. Hopefull this will be a fast transition between crap and greatness so just hold on tight becuase this will be a bumpy ride.**

Dear Diary,

My first day of 5th year is just around the corner. Maybe this year will be better than my last few years... My bag is packed with all the essentials; Band-Aids, gauze, some scar consealer, the usual. Ugh so I'm being forced home for Christmas. Dad want's to make sure I'm "still good". Life sucks. He still goes to Muggle AA classes but I really don't think they are helping him… Last night was a night to remember.

I really don't think I can take much more of this. Dean's abuse is getting out of hand and I don't think my dad really cares that much. At least he's been backing of a considerable amount. But now that I'm no longer dating Dean (I think that's the case) he's gonna be on me like wasps on spilled juice.

I tried to break up with Dean last night and I'm not sure how that went. Seeing as he slammed my head into a wall with enough force to black me out, I'd say not so well. However, I didn't expect anything different than a violent end to a violent relationship.

I had the most curious dream last night. I was at a camp and I had to swim across the lake to get to… Someone I loved? I couldn't make out their face but I knew in my heart that they loved me and I loved them too. Surely it wasn't Dean. But I started swimming when I turned out to be in a shower. I couldn't swim in a shower…

I got out of the shower and I cleaned off the fogged up glass but my reflection was beautiful. I had beautiful flowing red hair and my eyes weren't their normal shit brown. They were more like a warm tree brown. That doesn't make sense but whatever. My face wasn't swollen and my arms were smooth. Suddenly an arm wrapped around my waist and I looked to see whom it was but the mirror was fogged up again.

Then I woke up. I didn't mind the dream all that much but it makes me think who could have been in my head while I dreamt?

Well I'm gonna have to go eat some breakfast before Flooing to the station.

Ginny

* * *

The old diary shut and Ginny hopped down from her bed and tucked it at the bottom of her suitcase then zipped it up. She had her trunk, carry-on and her new owl, Strawby.

Strawby was a Collared Scops owl who was abnormally big at 18 inches. He had brown and white feathers that seemed to grow redder the higher you looked. His facial disk was a deep strawberry blonde and his ear tufts were a deep red. He was a beautiful bird and could carry immensely heave packages for his small size.

Ginny ushered him into his small cage and locked it, earning her a terrible screech from Strawby.

"Fred!" She called and a crack filled the room and so did Fred.

"How may I be of service to you?" Fred joked. Ginny smiled at her older brother. Fred and George had graduated just last year and could legally do magic outside of school. Ginny relied on them when she was lazy.

"Could you, maybe, help me clean up my room and help me finish packing?" Fred grinned widely and waved his wand. Immediately her trunks began to close and lock themselves. Clothes flew around the room, putting themselves on hangers, her sheets flattened out on her bed and made themselves, her shoes were running to jump in the trunk before it shut and her wand desperately tried escaping her hand to join her shoes.

Ginny could only watch and laugh, as things would bump into each other. Finally, when her room was sorted, her bags lined up to be taken from her room, and her bed neatly made, she and Fred descended down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Watch out, dad's been on a rampage all day. He's out in the garden kicking the pants off of the Gnomes. I'll cook you up a big breakfast." And with that he waved his wand again and food items of every which way flew across the room and combined themselves in several bowls. When all was said and done there was a large stack of pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage, French toast, tatters, and a whole other assortment of food on the table for Ginny.

"Fred. You expect me to eat all of this?" Ginny exclaimed.

"You're a girl! Or course not!" Then he took something out of his pocket and lit the end of it with his wand. The rocket zoomed up the Burrow steps and after a few seconds you heard loud bangs or fireworks coming and people screaming and yelling. Fred only laughed until a voice echoed around the room.

"WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?" Fred immediately fell quiet. Arthur Weasly had entered the room, his face red as a tomato, fuming. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING FIREWORKS INSIDE OF THIS HOUSE?"

"S-sorry I didn't m-mean to… D-disturb you in the garden" He stammered. The Arthur saw all the food.

"FOOD!" And he started shoving his hands into any food he could get. Fred breathed a sigh of relief. And started eating himself. Ginny grabbed a plate of three pancakes, a piece of French toast, some potatoes, bacon and sausage, and an egg and quietly slipped out of the room and back onto her room where she ate her breakfast in silence.


	2. Page 2

**A/N: This is only the second of many chapters I am replacing. It still follows the original diary entry but I have lengthened the entry and added outside text. I will be updating the next 10 chapters or so in the next few weeks so watch out for the changes.**

**Enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

So I haven't just realized this but Dean as the biggest prick I've ever seen. Beating up Neville Longbottom? What good does that do to anyone? He tries to make me jealous by flirting with other girls. Hope he knows that I don't care about him anymore. I don't know if I ever really did…

Well Harry ignored me the whole train ride while Ron and Hermione were shouting at me to get a hold on my "education". Ron is telling ME to get better grades. The only reason that he has good marks is because Hermione helps him with EVERYTHING. I mean have you ever seen him do an assignment by himself at ALL? He's as dumb as a brick can get.

But I guess I do know why Harry doesn't talk to me… He was the one who had to save stupid old me from the Chamber in my first year. He probably thinks I still have a piece of Voldemort in me. I guess I do in some ways. My arms are the evidence to prove that.

Tom Riddle forced me to do it every night and collect the blood in a bucket, which I was to use to write the words on the wall. But when he was banished, I still did it. I could never stop and I still don't. Whenever my father would call me fat of hit me it was another slash to my wrists. Soon I just stopped feeling the pain of the knife and began enjoying it. The feeling of the steel knife on my lifeline made me feel powerful and every time I awoke, I thought about how I cheated death just one more time.

It made me feel brave. Like I could do anything. Soon I did it without any provocation. Hopefully this year at school will help me stop. I hope.

Ginny

Ginny closed her book and sat in the empty train compartment, silent and passive. Her thoughts zoomed through her head faster than she could keep up with them. Questions about the upcoming year, worries about who she was rooming with, and different mixed feelings rushed around her head, overwhelming her. She got up to take a walk around the train.

When she exited the compartment she took a left to avoid her brother's compartment and the rest of them. She had sat there for the first hour of the train ride but Ron's constant complaining and yelling drove her to find an empty compartment. Surprisingly, she found one a few booths down. There was a first year in it but she ignored her and wrote for a while and listened to her new iPod, the one that she bought while on vacation.

She was out, shopping, with the Trio and they were in a Muggle store called Comet when she saw the iPod. While the Trio were looking at an assortment of pillows, Ginny bought it at the front and purchased about 100 Euro in gift cards for it. When she got home, she downloaded over 1,000 songs onto it including almost every album of Paramore, Escape the Fates, She Wants Revenge, The Horrors, and many others.

Back on the train, Ginny slowly paced down the car she was in and hopped onto the next one where she strolled through the hallway until she came upon the restrooms. Once inside she looked in the mirror. Dull red hair; dull brown eyes, dull freckles, and dull pale skin. She was just… Dull. She took out her wand and touched it to the mirror.

"_Preteritus,"_ she spoke in her dull voice. Immediately after she said the words, the mirror rippled and the scene changed from her reflection to herself 5 years ago. Her hair was a deep red and looked as soft as it ever had. It was a beautiful color and when she focused on her old eyes, she became lost in them. Her eyes, normally a shit brown, looked as if they were amber and shining. They were breathtaking. Her skin glowed a nice shade of peach and her freckles accented it just right. Her hair flowed around her face and side bangs just lightly covered her right eye. Her nose was cute; it was pointed and small but made her look sophisticated and more grown up. Her cheekbones were in just the right spot and made her entire face life, making her look happy even when she wasn't.

The real Ginny became envious of her former self and swiped her wand at the mirror, which shattered then pieced itself back together again. Tear streamed down her face as she backed up into the wall behind her and slid herself onto the floor, sobs wracking her body. What had happened that she changed so much?

'_It doesn't matter anymore… I have to move on…'_ She thought to herself. Taking a big breath to steady herself, she got up off the floor and exited the bathroom after checking her appearance. She pushed the door open with enough force to hit the person standing outside of it with enough force to knock them down.

"Ow!" Ginny stiffened.

"I'm so sorry!" She squealed. She rushed to help the person up and they accepted her help. "I didn't see you there! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" She was blubbering.

"Why the hell would you open a door that fast?" He said. He raised his hand and Ginny flinched, waiting to receive her punishment. She shrunk back and shut her eyes, waiting for something that never came. She opened her eyes to see Draco Malfoy rubbing his head and looking at her with a confused expression.

"I- I'm- I didn't see you- I- Please don't… Sorry…" She stammered.

"It's… Okay Weasly," Draco said slowly, as if not to frighten her. "Just… Don't let it happen again…" His eyes had a spark of knowledge in them that Ginny noticed. She almost said something but turned and scurried away.

Draco watched the red head quickly walk away with questions running through his head. Did his eyes deceive him or were the marks on her arms real? He thought about it for some time after he went to the bathroom. His friends worried about him because of his quietness but dared not to interrupt his thoughts for fear of him lashing out.

* * *

As Ginny reached her compartment, she noticed another body in the room. However when she opened the door the black haired girl looked up at her and grinned. Her green eyes sparkled in the light of the compartment, making them seem happier.

"Raven!" Ginny squealed as they jumped up and embraced themselves. "It's so great to see you again! How has your summer been?" And with that the two girls reunited with each other the entire rest of the train ride to the school.


	3. Page 3 No one

_No one._

_No one is here for me._

_I've fallen my furthest,_

_Down to the rock bottom._

_I don't canre anymore-_

_Can't care._

_No more emotions are left for me._

_Only darkness that consumes me-_

_My soul._

_How did I become so attatched?_

_No more. _

_No more boys,_

_No more family,_

_No more friends._

_My only friend is the silver dagger_

_I drag across my wrists._

_The cool blade. _

_It is the only thing making me feel better._

_It is the only thing that makes me feel._

_No one makes me feel._

_No one._


	4. Page 4

Dear Diary,

The first day of school wasn't terrible. I hung around with Raven all day (she's in practically all of my classes) and ate my weight in food at the feast. It's great that I can hang out with her and everyone else. Neville has grown up so much, I barely recognized him when he entered the Great Hall.

I slept fairly well last night and this morning I managed through my first two classes. Then I got to Care of Magical Creatures. As Hagrid gave us partners (I was with Raven of course) Malfoy just stared at me- like he knew… It was a bit unnerving to catch glimpses of those silver orbs starting at me. Whenever I made eye contact with them, a small shiver ran down my spine like I was chilled.

Ron is also in my class, making it hard to concentrate with his glaring at me. When Ron went to pick up his Kneazle, it immediately attacked him with its claws, leaving deep wounds on his hands. I had to laugh but Raven laughed beside me. Hopefully, if Ron asks, I can pass the laughter off as a joke Raven told me.

My Kneazle had a strange liking for me, in which Hagrid was impressed with. It's tail curled around my arm as it made a strange chirping noise. It allowed me to pet it's large ears, which were quite soft for such a rough looking creature, and Hagrid offered it to me as a pet. As much as I would like to have another pet, I can't take care of myself, let alone a new Kneazle.

But Malfoy's eyes are… I wanna say intense but that sounds kinda weird… They are just beautiful. I kinda wish I knew him better just so that I could talk to him and not have weird looks… Later I get to hang out with Raven, Malfoy, Blaise, and Pansy. But Pansy and Raven are friends so I guess I'm going to be around Malfoy a lot…

And IF I am going to be around Malfoy I'm gonna have to cover my bruises and cuts. Yeah I tripped down the last few stairs of the tower and landed on Ron who immediately hit me and kicked me and left me there. I got up and walked away but I have a nasty bruise on my arm and my ribs. I should probably cover up my face too.

Well I'm going to take a shower so that tomorrow all I have to do is some make-up and pick out clothes. Good night!

Ginny

* * *

Ginny silently shut her diary, lifting up her covers and slipping it beneath them. She put her quill in her bag again and stepped out of her bed. It was about eleven o'clock at Hogwarts but there were little people asleep. They were all discussing their firs day of school with each other and how much all the boys have changed and so on.

Ginny, however, shared this information with her diary because Raven was down at the Slytherin common room, talking with Pansy and Blaise. Raven and her Slytherin friends weren't an uncommon sight to see walking together, but Ron became very angry when Ginny was with them.

But right now, she was stripping her clothes off and wrapping a towel around herself. She crossed the room and the voices hushed into low murmurs. Opening the door, she saw a girl bending over a toilet, vomiting. She thought about talking to her but decided against it because she didn't really want to engage in a conversation right now. Especially with a sick person.

The bathroom she entered wasn't the largest but it was bigger than the one at home, which made Ginny extremely pleased. Ginny took a left and turned down the row of showers and picked the furthest away from the door.

She pulled back the red and gold curtains and stepped into the first stall. She hung up her towel and stepped into the shower stall and turned on the hot water. Stepping into the hot mist, Ginny felt more relaxed and let the running water wash away her thoughts of her brother and father.

Ginny absent-mindedly picked up the shampoo and poured it into her hand and rubbed it into her hair, creating thick bubbles that ran down her back. She rinsed them out and then conditioned her hair. While she let the conditioner sit in her sopping hair, she remembered her first few days of her third year at school.

* * *

_"Get to class Ginny. And remember that if you do anything, I _will_ hear about it. Now go and remember what I told you." Ginny's eyes were puffy and red from crying. Ron had taken her to an old broom closet and given her a beating to put her in her place and remind her that she had a reason to be afraid- a reason to be perfect._

_Sniffling, the youngest Weasly scurried through the halls and into her first class, Charms. The class passed with no errors on her part but when she began to pack her bag, Professor Flitwick decided to talk to her._

_"Miss Weasly? Please stay after for a few minutes," Flitwick said in his high-pitched voice. He always reminded Ginny of a mouse with his high voice, small body, and beard, which looked a lot like whiskers._

_"Yes Professor?" She said in a small, innocent voice. She didn't think she'd done anything wrong. Little did she know that Colin Creevey had been the last to leave and had heard that Flitwick wanted Ginny to stay behind._

_"This may be none of my business but I noticed that you had been upset by something when you arrived at my class. Is everything alright?" His eyes stared intently at Ginny, boring into her soul. She shook her head quickly; her long hair shimmied around her face._

_"I'm fine, Professor. Thank you for asking though. I was just stressed and I am very tired. I'm afraid that I must go to my next class," She said without hesitation. She had been used to lying like this so it was simple enough._

_"Very well. But if you want to talk to someone, I will always be here." Ginny nodded her head in understanding and quickly walked out of the room and to her next class._

_Later Ron cornered her and dragged her back into the closet that he had used earlier that morning, completely unaware of the silver eyes that watched him from the end of the hallway._

_"Well, little sister, it seems as if my talk this morning did not sink into your brain. You've already been detained by one of your teacher on your first day. What do you have to say about this?" He spat. Ginny's eyes widened as the color drained out of her face._

_"I swear! He only talked to me about my summer!" She squeaked. _

_"Why would a _teacher_ care about _you_? You're worthless," Her head snapped to the side as Ron's hand smacked her in the face, "disgusting," he punched her in the stomach, knocking her to the ground, "stupid, ungrateful, ugly." His foot kicking her in a different part of her body punctuated every word._

_"P-Please," she pleaded on the ground. Every breath stung her lungs and her vision swam. Her breathing was labored and heavy, as she could not seem to get enough air into her lungs. "S-Stop Ron!" Her order only infuriated him more._

_"You do _not_ tell me what to do! Stupid bitch! Worthless wretch! I don't understand why you even keep yourself alive! Your life means nothing to anyone! Nobody wants you around! Don't you get it?" He yelled. He kicked her even harder. Her breath turned to sobs and wheezes because her lungs would not work properly. Her body shook with pain. _

_Finally Ron left her, broken and bleeding on the floor and went up to his room. Ginny lay on the floor of the closet and waited for death to take her when she felt a pair of arms on her, picking her up. That was the last thing she felt until she woke up._

_She was in the Hospital Wing and had bandages wrapped around her torso and right arm. Her face was so swollen that she could only see out of her left eye. The curtain was drawn around her bed. She heard a sound from her right and turned her head to see a flash of blonde hair and black robes exiting her bed space._

* * *

Ginny had learned that Draco Malfoy had been keeping an eye on her for a few years from afar but only this year had he decided to come out of hiding and make it a bit more obvious for her.

She tipped her head back into the shower and felt it washing out the conditioner. Feeling clean and fresh, the dripping wet Weasly turned the nozzle to off and stepped out of the shower and wrapped her towel around her body and walked back into her room.

She pulled her curtains around her bed and took out her shorts and shirt to wear to sleep. She slipped them on and said a silencing charm in case she screamed in her sleep like she usually did. She said a drying spell and then slipped under her covers and shut her eyes, imagining herself in a field of soft grass, the sun beating down on her body. Slowly she drifted off into a deep sleep where nothing could hurt her.

**A/N: Here is another chapter that I re-wrote. As I've said in the other beginning chapters, I'm going to be re-writing about 10-15 more chapters depending on how well I originally wrote it.**

**I hope you guys are getting e-mails saying that I'm making changes to the story. Please re-review my story! Thanks!**


	5. Page 5

**A/N: This chapter is really graphic. Just a quick heads up so that you don't get freaked out. I thought I'd already replaced this chapter but apparently not- well here the newly refurbished chapter 5 that was once bad.**

"Dear Diary,

I hurt everywhere, I hate everyone, and it all comes down as blood on my wrists. Father, Harry, Ron- especially Ron. He and Harry _raped_ me last night. I guess I'll write it… Or at least try partially because it's getting harder to see…

I was studying in the library with Malfoy and Blaise (they just walked up to me and helped me with homework… It was very peculiar) and Ron came storming in, yelling at me. They took me out to the Forbidden Forest and tied me up to a tree. They beat me and cut me up. Then Ron left me for Harry who took advantage of me…"

Ginny couldn't continue writing. Tears blocked her sight and her left hand was ready with the knife to keep the blood flowing down her wrists. Her chest heaved with muffled sobs as she remembered the all too recent events that took place.

_*****FLASHBACK*****_

They found her in the corner table of the library, nose in her book, quill moving at a fast pace, her red hair shaking in confusion. The two boys walked up to her small form, whipped out the seats on the opposite side of the table and sat down in one quick movement. In a flurry of red hair, her head snapped up from writing to look at the two men sitting at her table.

"Can I help you?" She asked, actually curious as to why they were here.

"We needed a place to study," the black haired boy said casually, while Ginny looked around at the almost vacant library.

"There are plenty of other tables. Why not use them?" She asked, still curious.

"We didn't want to be alone together," Ginny scoffed that the irony, "I see you're studying French," the dark haired boy nodded at her parchment. "Draco speaks French fluently- isn't that right Draco?" Blaise glanced over at Draco who only glared.

Blaise had noticed Draco's interest in the littlest Weasley for the past few weeks. He'd caught him staring at her from across the Great Hall at meals. It had all started in the beginning of the year after the train ride. Blaise caught Draco's tired, worried eyes stealing glances at her. It unnerved him a bit but Ginny _was _a looker, however she seemed… Alone? She only sat with that black haired girl, Raven.

Blaise personally thought Raven was prettier and more lively then Ginny, but who was he to contradict Draco? He was only his best friend after all.

"Yeah… I'm alright at it, I guess. Need help?" Draco's voice snapped Blaise out of his thoughts. Draco had just offered to help Ginny with her work. He _offered_, without snide remarks, to help Ginny with her homework. Without making remarks about blood or traitors or their families. What had gotten into this boy? Ginny was on the same page as Blaise. Her mouth hung open at his quick offer.

Her answer seemed cautious- as if not wanting to provoke him or say the wrong words to break his kind streak, "I _could_ use a bit of help… I just don't understand why some verbs don't follow the pronouns. And when to use the past tenses and future tenses, where do the verbs go?" And thus started about an hour of tutoring until her company was disrupted.

"Ginervra Molly Weasley!" A voice sounded from across the library. Ginny's head snapped up, her smile disintegrated, and the blood drained from her face. Ron stood, red faced, at the opposite end of the library with Harry Potter at his side. His face was distorted with rage as he strode across the large room. Draco and Blaise straightened their backs and took deep breaths, waiting for the impending fight.

When Ron made it across the room, his voice had diminished to a whisper because of his rising anger.

"**What** do you think you're doing? We told you to study- _alone._ Not _only_ did you disobey us but you are with _Slytherins. _And not just _regular_ Slytherins, _Malfoy_ and _Zabini_! _MALFOY?_" His face was turning purple. Harry only stood next to him with dark eyes.

"No need to but in Weasley, but I keep very good company-"

"Oh like hell you do!" Ron spat out, "Why are you even _sitting_ with her? There are plenty of other tables to sit at! Why hers?"

"Well if you _must _know," Draco drawled, "there were no open tables at the time of our entrance. She's quiet so we figured-"

"You figured wrong. You don't even _know_ her. You don't know what she's like. Get up," Harry ordered them.

"Well _excuse me_, Scar head, but I don't take orders from you or Ginger, here. If Weasel didn't want me sitting here, all she had to do was leave," Draco drawled again. Ginny's eyes widened as Ron and Harry's eyes snapped to her. Draco had used the wrong choice of words. He implied that she _wanted_ them to sit with her. She kicked Draco under the table.

"Well it seemed as though you've decided to make some new friends. It doesn't matter- play time's over. We're leaving and you _are_ coming with us," Ron ordered, almost spitting it. Ginny hung her head as her eyes began to tear up.

"You can't tell her what to do!" Blaise roared. The librarian shushed him but he ignored it, "She can make her own decisions for herself!" Ron smirked as his eyes grew darker.

"Oh really? Ginny," he shot a glare at Ginny who shrunk from his deathly gaze, "come. _Now_," he ordered. A tear escaped her eye as she kept her gaze at the floor and swept all of her supplies into her bag, folded up her parchment, and put her books into her bag. Without a word, she swung her bag over her shoulder and got up.

Draco and Blaise watched in awe as she followed the boys from the table without looking back. Their mouths hung open. Blaise's rage dissipated as he realized that Ginny was on a tight leash when it came to her brother.

"Something's up. That's not what I expected her to do. I would have thought she'd yell back- stick up for us, maybe," Draco said, his brows furrowing in confusion. Blaise quirked an eyebrow at Draco's observation.

"I think you're looking too far into this. Maybe Red just learned to respect her elders. It's not like we're her friends. I wouldn't sick up for her, had _my_ father stumbled upon us. I would have thrown her under the bus. Let it go dude," Blaise said, pushing Draco to get off it.

"Maybe…" Draco couldn't help feeling like there was something wrong- something more to the story.

"Why would you let them sit with you?" **SMACK**. "What were you _thinking?_" **SMACK**. "They're _Slytherins_- Draco MALFOY no less!" **SMACK.** "You _stupid_ girl!" **SMACK.** Ginny's face was bright red from the hard, quick slaps her brother gave her. Her face was swollen and her eyes were puffy form her tears. Ron and Harry had dragged her to the Forbidden Forest and bound her to a tree where they were slapping, kicking, and punching her until she cried out.

"I'm sorry! I should have told them off! I should have left! I should have listened to you!" Ginny pleaded. Ron hit her again.

"_But you didn't!_ And that is why you deserve this. You SHOULD have told them off! You SHOULD have left! But you didn't!" He back handed her after every sentence. Ginny was bleeding profusely from her mouth and nose; with each blow Ron delivered, blood would spray onto the ground.

"I'm sorry! Please!" Ginny kept pleading but neither boy was listening. They had other plans for her. Surrounding her sobbing, broken form, they began undressing her. Harry unbuttoned her pants, revealing plaid panties that made him immediately hard. His hand skimmed over them, trailing down to her sex as she sobbed harder with wide eyes. Ron took out his switchblade and slashed at Ginny's shirt, ripping it off with brute force. Her matching bra made him scoff.

"You dress like you expect someone to see these! You dress like a whore- which is exactly what you are. The Weasley whore. If you _insist_ on dressing like a harlot, then we shall treat you like one. Harry?" Ron flicked his gaze to the entranced boy. Harry's green eyes roamed over Ginny body hungrily. He slowly walked up to the bound girl with lust in his eyes. He trailed a finger from Ginny's jawbone to her collarbone then to the top of her bra. He circled her breast slowly while the other hand trailed down to her panties

Leaning in, he whispered in her ear, "If you let yourself go, this will definitely be much more enjoyable- for the both of us." Ginny continued crying as Harry rubber his fingers against her panties, trying to make her wet. However, Ginny's body would not cooperate. Harry starting kissing her neck, lightly then harder, he sucked on it, licked it, and bit it until he found the more sensitive spot. Ginny's quick intake made him work a little harder to get a reaction from her. When she arched her back, he knew he had her in his grasp.

Harry moved his lips to hers and sought an entrance which she would not give. That's when he gave up on trying to win her affection. He ripped her panties from her body, cutting her with them, and plunged three fingers into her, causing her mouth to open as she screamed. He took this change to slip his tongue into her mouth, ravishing it as his other hand massaged her breast roughly.

He pulled his fingers out and plunged them in again, harder and harder until she finally started becoming wet without her consent. As his tongue ravished hers, his hand worked at her bra. However, he became frustrated with it and eventually backed up, grabbed both cups and ripped the bra from Ginny's form, making her cry out in pain. This only turned him on more and he quickly unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off, along with his boxers.

He began rubbing himself, his tip already covered in precum, as his free hand moved back to Ginny's breast. He squeezed until she cried out in pain- the cry that made him snap. He pushing himself onto her and forced his mouth onto hers again, wallowing in the warmth her body was giving off. He pulled his hand away from her form and punched Ginny in the stomach, causing her to open her mouth, once again letting him in. However, she knew what to do now. She had already untied her hands from the tree and was ready for her escape.

When Harry's tongue entered her mouth, she bit down as hard as she could, causing him to let go of her. That's when she ran. She ran as fast as she could, however it wasn't enough because after only a few seconds of freedom, she was tackled to the ground by Harry.

"You'll wish you hadn't done that," he hissed into her ear as he plunged his fingers into her pussy even harder, quickly pumping them while chafing her dry insides. Ginny was screaming into Harry's hand as he positioned himself at her entrance. She shifted and tried to remove his hand from her mouth. He pushed her hand back onto the ground with the one that was trying to position him. Every time she tried to move it, Harry moved it back.

When he finally had himself pressed into her pussy, he took his hand off her mouth and trailed it down to her hips, savoring the feeling of her smooth skin on his rough hands. He took hold of her hips as Ginny tried to push him off but failed. He inhaled then thrust his hips, entering her with a harsh push. Ginny screamed out.

"That's right you dumb bitch. Scream for me- I want to hear your beautiful scream," Harry moaned as he moved. Ginny wiggled to get free but she was only making it worse for herself. Her movements only increased Harry's pleasure. He bit down on her neck, drawing blood and Ginny cried even harder. He started thrusting his hips in and out of Ginny, Making his own rhythm. Ginny continued to wiggle and scream with every inward thrust,

"Keep moving… Keep screaming," Harry moaned with every thrust and yelp, "Oh yeah… Stupid slut… You're so… Arg… Tight… Keep going… That's right you fucking slut… Oh God," He moaned, speeding up his thrusts. With every movement, he groaned and grunted. His pounding became erotic and spastic and she knew he was almost there.

Yet, right as he was about to finish, he pulled out and flipped Ginny over in a harsh movement, then thrust his pulsing cock into her ass, causing her to shriek. Harry moaned as he pushed further, climbing his own ladder to climax. And when he was about to cum, he wound up and punched Ginny in the stomach as hard as he could, causing her cheeks to clench together, involuntarily, tightening around Harry's exploding cock. Harry screamed Ginny's name as he came and he pushed as hard as he could into Ginny, making her shriek even more.

Harry collapsed on top of Ginny as he recovered from his amazing climax. His breathing was labored and his cock was still pulsating, expelling his cum into her ass. Ginny tried to pull away but Harry's hands were still in a death grip around Ginny's waist.

"You sick FUCK! Get the fuck off me! Fucker!" Ginny screamed as she thrashed underneath him. Harry slapped Ginny on the ass before standing and grabbing her arm before she could go anywhere. He shoved her against a tree and pressed his body against hers, ripping open her back.

"You do NOT talk to me like that. You will treat me with respect and dignity. Call me those names one more time," he said as his hand wrapped its self around her throat, squeezing a little, "and see what happens." His green eyes were dark with seriousness. Ginny peered into them with fear and dread. After a few seconds, Harry released her neck. But he still wasn't finished with her.

"Accio wand," Harry said and his wand flew into his hand. He pointed it at Ginny and spoke clearly and deliberately, "Imperio." Ginny's mind hazed over. She felt so calm and collected.

Harry smiled as he saw Ginny's eyes relax and felt her body calm down. He was excited to play with his puppet. He let go of Ginny and she stood there.

"Now you can feel what I've been feeling," He said as he let his fingers trail from her face, down her body. He moved them to her back and let them roam, making her shiver with pleasure. She didn't know it was Harry that was touching her. All she felt were hands and then knew her spots. Harry trailed both hands around her body, one onto a breast, massaging it slowly while the other went back down to her sex. As his finger flicked her nipple, he pushed on her nub and felt her body arch into his.

"That's right you dirty whore. Tell me who your master is- tell me who you want inside you _right now_," he commanded Ginny. She didn't hesitate to answer.

"You are my master, Harry. I want you huge cock inside my pussy right now. Please," She moaned as his finger rubbed her sensitive bundle of nerves. Her pussy became even wetter as his fingers played with her even more. Ginny kept asking for him but he wanted her to say what he wanted.

"Tell me you love me. Tell me you want me to pleasure you," He ordered again. Ginny, in her stupor, agreed.

"I love you Harry. I want you to please me in all ways. Even more, I want to please you," Harry became hard again as she said this in a sexy, seductive tone. He pushed a finger into Ginny and she moaned and rocked her body against it. Harry moved it inside her, wiggling his finger, making her cry out. He pressed his body against hers and pulled out his dripping finger slowly before adding another one and pushing them back into her. She, once again, moaned his name. Harry's cock twitched at the sound of his name.

"Yeah Ginny, that's it. Say my name, scream it," He said pulling his fingers out and adding another one and pushing hard and deep into her.

"HARRY!" She screamed, "Harder Harry, faster!" Harry complied, loving the sound of his name on her lips. Ginny threw her head back and Harry took this chance to bring one of her nipples to his mouth. He played with it, pinching it between his teeth and circling it with his tongue, flicking it casually. Ginny's intake of breath made his cock twitch again. He started rubbing his other thumb over her nub while pumping his fingers faster and harder into her.

Ginny's breath quickened and Harrys name came out of her mouth faster and louder. Harry couldn't let her cum though, without tasting her first. He quickened his strokes but before she could cum, he withdrew and she cried out. He knelt down onto the ground and licked up her thigh, making her drip with need. She was shaking when he finally reached her hot, wet sex. His mouth ravished her and she was crying out his name- screaming it, when she came. It was hard and heavy. But Harry still wasn't done with her.

"Now I want you to do that to me," he ordered. Ginny, not being able to think clearly, obliged. She knelt down onto the forest floor and trailed her hands up his thighs before licking the tip of his cock. Harry twitched at this light contact. Ginny licked off the precum, torturing Harry in the best way he could have imagined. Then she took him into her mouth. She slowly devoured his length until she couldn't fit anymore in her mouth.

As Ginny started moving her head up and down, her mind began clearing. Finally, she broke free of the Imperio curse. Her eyes widened when she realized what she was doing and flew backwards, landing on top of Harry's wand. She knew this and stood quickly picking it up.

"STUPEFY!" She screamed. Harry froze with a look of shock on his face. Ginny didn't know what to do. If she left him here, she's be killed by her brother. If she unfroze him, she'd be killed by Harry. She didn't know what to do so when she finally thought of something, it was the first thing out of her mouth.

"Obliterate," she said. A yellow light drew Harry's memories from his head and made his forget all about this. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad for her in the end…

Ginny clothed herself and ran. She ran as far as she could until she fell down and cried. She cried for ours until she passed out. That's where Hagrid had found her. Asleep on the forest floor.

*****END FLASHBACK*****

"So Pomfry gave me an anti-pregnancy potion and told me I'd be okay. I'm sorry I couldn't write about it… It was so terrible. I need to clean up my wrists and then go to sleep. I don't want to get blood everywhere. Well it's time for me to get some sleep… I never want to go home… Ever again…

Ginny"

She shut her diary, wrapped her bleeding wrists with gauze, put her knife back in her trunk, and crawled into bed. She cried herself to sleep.


	6. Page 6

Dear Diary,

I couldn't deal with it… Ron and his abuse, Hermione and Harry ignoring and slowly coming to hate me… It's too much for me to handle. So I just had to do it. The blood stained through my sheets and that's how Raven found me- passed out in a pool of my blood. That girl must have saved me god knows how many times! I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't met her three years ago. I definitely wouldn't be writing right now- I'll tell you that.

Raven knows everything about me. I don't keep anything from her and that's because I know practically everything about her. Her parents, her brother, and the rest of her family. When Raven was little, around 10 years old, her parents started hitting her. It was just after they had lost almost everything due to the wizard raids and they lived in a small cabin.

Raven had asked her parents for something (she never told me what) and they told her no. She started crying and one thing led to the next and she had been smacked. She ran away with a red face and tears running from her eyes. She never told her brother what happened.

A few months later, after the abuse became more frequent, Raven tried to fight back. She ran as far away as she could but when her parents found her, they were crazed. The dragged her back to the house and whipped her with rope. Her screams woke up her little brother that ran outside and tried to stop her parents. They ignored him, which angered Raven. Her untrained magic broke a branch that loomed atop her father's body and before anyone could do anything, it fell, killing him.

However, her mother did not register that Raven was the one who really caused the incident and took her anger out on Paulie, Raven's brother. Raven could only watch as her mother unleashed her fury on her little brother. She broke his little arms and legs, bashed him around, and kicked him until his screams turned to wheezes, which turned into nothingness.

In the end, Paulie lay on the ground, broken, bleeding, and not breathing. His adolescent blood red on his mother's hands. Raven lost all control and somehow killed her mother. After about an hour she untied her hands and grieved her brother. Paulie, the normally high energized 5 year-old lay dead at her knees.

Raven knows what I'm going through and continuously reminds me that suicide is not the answer to abuse. It's not an easy way out. She tries to make me think about the people who would miss me but it's a VERY small list; Raven, Fred, George, Dumbledor, McGonnagle, and maybe Bill and Charlie. Like I said, not many people would miss me. But she always convinces me that I shouldn't kill myself.

I never plan to kill myself. I don't want to die- well not always… I love the pain. It's not the death I look to, it's the pain. The emotional pain rips me up and when I rip myself up it just seems to go away. Just imagine a waterfall, now imagine a waterfall of red water that is thick and deep and warm. A waterfall of life coming from your own body. It calms me and the blood just takes me emotions with them until there are none left.

My clothes, my eyes, my voice, my arms are all a reflection of my inner feelings. I'll walk around with a smile on my face but it's not real. _I'm _not real. Nothing about me is real except my body. I can fool everyone around me except Raven. She knows when I'm really happy or just putting up my mask. But I could always just strengthen my mask if I _really_ wanted to but I don't. It takes too much energy to keep up my mask. So I walk out of the common room with my fake eyes, fake smile, fake attitude and fool everyone.

Dinner time for me. I'll write later.

Ginny.

Ginny gave her diary entry a once over before closing the book and slipping in underneath her mattress. She put her Muggle pen away and opened her bed curtains to reveal that her room was completely empty. The door was ajar and with the rumble of her stomach, she got up and exited her room.

When Ginny reached the common room, she saw Raven sitting on the couch, reading her book. As she approached the black haired girl, her eyes snapped to Ginny's brown ones and her scowl turned into a smile.

"Ginny," she crooned, "how nice it is to see you away from your hide-out. I was wondering if you were just going to skip dinner tonight. I thought about bringing you some food but then I decided to read a little more and now here you are, hunger has driven you from your solitude."

Ginny smiled at her friend's sarcasm. Raven's smile faltered a bit.

"What's the matter love? Ron again?" Ginny nodded subtly, "Well don't worry about it. Some day we'll be able to move on from them and you'll have your own life and he'll be rotting in a hole somewhere after I'm through with him. So here let's forget about him and get some food. I sure as hell am starving." She gave Ginny one last brilliant smile and hopped off the couch.

The two girls walked to the Great Hall and sat down at the end of the table and started digging into the food that magically appeared in front of them. However, a pair of grey eyes watched as Ginny pushed her food around on her plate, hungry but not willing to eat. The steak looked fantastic, the potatoes looked great but Ginny just didn't _feel_ like eating it. Her stomach howled for food but she didn't have the mental strength to eat it.

"Gin. Eat you food. _Now._" Raven barked at her. She didn't even look up. She just felt so secluded, like nobody understood her. Like everyone had such high expectations for her.

_"Get good grades." _Or, "_Don't get in any trouble."_ Or, "_Don't kill yourself."_ It was just a bit too much for her to keep up with. But hearing a snapping sound she looked up and saw two fingers in front of her face.

"Hello? Earth to Ginny? You spaced out there a little, you alright?" Raven asked with worry in her eyes. Ginny was tired of answering questions.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. Raven understood that she didn't want to talk. Maybe she was tired or stressed but she had shut herself up in her little world. Which wasn't a lie. Ginny _was _wrapped up in her world of depression. It was small and uncomfortable. It was almost like being stuck in a small box with large, pointy things jabbing into your back and being in an uncomfortable position and being made fun of for it.

For the next few days Ginny kept her head down and rarely spoke. She avoided minimum eye contact and really tried to distance herself from other people. She didn't want to "infect" them with her unhappiness. Even Draco noticed that she wasn't as spunky in class anymore. He would observe her until she looked up, occasionally making eye contact.

Draco had also gone through the stage of depression, when his father was forcing him to get The Mark. Beating after beating he endured and was still forced to get The Mark. Even going to Snape didn't help because Draco didn't trust Snape fully- he didn't trust anyone fully.

After he had confided in Crabbe and Goyle, the two loafs went out and told two people who told two people and so on. It was like living in hell with the looks of disappointment, rejection, and despair so Draco turned to cutting him pain away. His Raven was Blaise who also went through his situation. Pansy knew pain but she didn't know his precise pain.

Draco watched her for a few days before approaching the hurting girl. It was potions and Snape told everyone to pick a partner, boy girl. Blaise had paired with Pansy and Draco didn't want the rest of the Hufflepuff girls so he turned to Ginny.

Her brown eyes were set on Draco's ice blue eyes without blinking. He walked up to the frozen girl and sat himself down beside her. She didn't speak and instead glanced at the table. Draco settled with small talk to start Ginny's tongue.

"So do you know how to make this potion?" He asked her. Without looking at him or even moving her lips, she answered, "Yes." That was it. So Draco tried a bit harder.

"Would you mind getting the Dragon scale, egg juice, and Beetle Eggs?" Ginny finally looked at him but not in the eye. She settled for his cheek and replied, "We don't need Beetle Eggs for this recipe. You would know that if you had made it before." And she looked back at the table and started cutting the ingredients they needed.

"You don't have to be so rude, you know. My father," he started before Ginny cut him off.

"I don't _want_ to hear about your father or anything. I don't understand why you want to even be my partner for this. YOU sat next to ME so if you wouldn't mind focusing on the potion," she bit. Draco inwardly recoiled with surprise.

"Well it seems the dog has a bite. Never knew you had it in you," he praised. However, Ginny didn't catch the seriousness of his voice and was offended.

"You shouldn't be _talking_! You only act like a prick and you expect everyone to bow down and worship the ground you stand on! Well I'm not like the others- I'd expect YOU to know that after all the time you've been watching me. You're like a stalker, I swear! Meals, potions, in the halls, you're like a vulture watching me! What is _wrong _with you? Or what's wrong with _me_ that you want to fix, hmm? Not skinny enough? Not as endowed as your little whores? Too short? Red hair?" Draco's mouth was hanging open as she spoke casually with him, "What is it because it freaks me out the way you stare at me. So please stop."

Draco was appalled. He, literally, didn't have anything to say. The words that had been thrown at him were the equivalent of throwing water into a plastic wrap. It wasn't sinking into his head. It was like there was something blocking them from being processed and he gaped at her like a fish out of water.

"No words? Good let's get to work," and with that, Ginny continued with the potion.


	7. Page 7 If Only you Knew

_The dagger shines with silver,_

_The tip razor sharp._

_I play with it in my hands._

_Imagining._

_Drawing the blade across my arm._

_Slicing untill it matches the tears I've cried._

_For you._

_My bodies wine slowly seeps to the surface._

_If only you knew._

_Would you come?_

_Could you care?_

_Now with my arms red,_

_Dripping,_

_I start crying again._

_More tears._

_More slices._

_Harder tears._

_Harder slices._

_If only you knew._

_If only everyone knew._

_Would _they_ care?_

_Now I lay on the floor,_

_The carpet stained with red._

_Crimson seeps from my slices._

_The dagger, my friend – my love,_

_Simmers with rubies,_

_Gleaming on the floor._

_I close my eyes._

_I see you._

_If only you knew._


	8. Page 8

Draco stared at her, mouth hanging ajar. He hadn't meant to offend her. He had a feeling in his stomach that was new to him and he had the strongest urge to apologize to her. But he wouldn't bring himself to do it. He only continued with his work, occasionally bringing his eyes up to Ginny's face to watch her.

Only once did he brush his hand over hers, catching the sleeve of her robe. It lifted just the slightest bit and he saw the red slashes. His breath stopped as he stared. He'd been right all along- she was a cutter. Ginny rips her sleeve down and bends her head, hiding her glistening eyes from his view, and rushed to finish the potion.

Once the potion was finished and Snape approved it, Ginny booked it out of the class. However, she only managed to get to the steps leading out of the dungeons when she felt a strong hand grasp her arm firmly. She cried out in pain as her cuts re-opened and in fear from past experiences. She coiled up her body, shut her eyes, and prepared for the beating she was sure was to follow. However, after about thirty seconds she felt the grip on her arm loosen and warm arms enfold over her body. She turned and buried her head in the body that she would soon learn to confide in.

"It's okay- it will be okay," a soft voice murmured in her ear as light hands stroked her hair soothingly. She cried into the comforting shoulder for a few minutes. After she was done she stepped back but couldn't bring herself to look up and into the gray eyes of Draco.

Draco knew what Ginny was going through. He understood and knew what she needed. She needed someone to be there for her, someone who she could talk to, someone she could yell, rant, scream, and cry to, she needed someone to love her. Not a sexual love- not one that caused butterflies to appear but someone who could understand her. Someone who could accept her and be there for her when no one else was there.

Draco needed that person and found it in Blaise. When he slit his wrists every night, took too many pills, and tried to take the step to end it all, Blaise always came to him and helped him through it. He talked about it, held him, and comforted him. He was the best friend Draco knew and the best friend he could ever have.

Draco's cool hands reached for Ginny's colder ones and when they met Ginny jerked away. It stung Draco but he understood that it wasn't easy to be found out. Nobody likes it and nobody wants to deal with it. Draco just watched as tears slipped onto the floor. He watched as Ginny turned. He watched as she sprinted up the stairs, no doubt running back to her knife- the knife that would soon be her enemy and would soon be locked away if Draco had any say in the matter.

Dear Diary,

I didn't want it. I didn't want him to know and now I'm found out he's probably either going to cut me down or try and be sweet and shit. I don't need bull shit from him like that. I'm sick of people pitying me over this. Fuck them and fuck me.

But he hugged me and that's what I needed. He didn't ask questions and he didn't push me or insult me. He _understood_ which really does surprise me… We've been talking a little during our classes and I guess he's a descent person. I don't let anyone catch me talking with him but we do.

Draco and I are talking a load more. He helps me with my homework [in private of course but he still does] and he tells me about his problems too. His dad beats him like mine. But seeing that it's Lucious Malfoy, Draco probably gets beat maybe ten times harder. Draco, like me, cuts. But his arms are paler than mine are so you can't see the scars. My arms are pale too but you can see some scars. He plans on running away from it all and becoming a spy for the ministry. But he's in his sixth year of school so I don't how well that's gonna go.

Draco is a great guy. He is so funny and smart. I never would have expected this from him. He tells me so many jokes and I haven't cut in a few days. Well- really just two but still. I usually did it every night. I think that Draco might be able to help me. I have to go to one of my study sessions with him in a half-hour. I'm so excited! I don't know what to wear! Maybe my skirt… I don't know… I don't want to look like a slut.

Okay so I've chosen to go with my dark red and black striped shirt with my red and black arm warmers and my black, skintight pants with my gray and black striped flats. That's cute. Right? Okay. Well I'm gonna go now and hopefully it goes well! I really need the study session because I think I might be failing my French course. I'll be back later!

Ginny

Ginny quietly opened the door and snuck out of the common room without being seen. She moved quietly and quickly to avoid making any disturbances that would attract any attention to herself. Her long sleeves brushed up against her healing cuts and she smiled knowing that she had refrained from using her knife for two days.

Feeling accomplished and confident, she entered the library, her bag brushing up on her hip as she twisted her slim body to fit through the door and she made her way to the back tables of the library. Sitting down, she opened her French book and brought out a piece of parchment that she had started writing on. She looked it over once before setting it on the table.

The feeling of eyes on the back of her head made her freeze. Her breath hitched and her heart picked up. Turning her head she met a pair of grey eyes that danced as they looked at her. She exhaled and smiled then turned back to her table as he waltzed up to it and sat down.

"Bonjour belle. Êtes-vous prêt à commencer? Où allons-nous commencer?" Draco spoke smoothly and without any breaks. It was beautiful. Ginny smiled and giggled.

"I'd prefer to do this in English," she said but Draco stopped her.

"Si vous voulez apprendre, il faut parler," he said. Ginny sighed. So the next two and a half-hours were spoken in almost complete French until Ginny didn't understand and needed help. At the end of the session Ginny understood completely and thanked Draco profusely.

"Hey Draco," she said. Draco's snapped to hers. She couldn't bring herself to ask it. "Thanks for this. For _everything_. You know…" She trailed off and her eyes drifted down to the table. Draco smiled.

"You're welcome. I understand, I really do. You don't have to worry about hiding anything," he pulled up his sleeve to reveal faded scars that trailed over his arm. Ginny only looked at it as if she were looking at her own. They criss-crossed and were different shades. Her eyes darkened as she thought of hers. Her hand absentmindedly flittered to her own arm and trailed her thumb over the bumps on her arms.

"You don't know how much this means to me," she said. She couldn't think of anything else to say. Draco nodded and got up.

"I'll see you around," she stated as he turned and walked out of the library. Ginny took out some more books and continued with her homework until she was starving in which she went to find Raven to go to Dinner with.


	9. Page 9

Dear Diary,

The study date went well! I learned French and finally understood stuff (for the first time like… ever) So Draco is actually a really funny guy. I can't believe I didn't know how nice he was. And when he hugged me, it really meant a lot to me. But that was almost a week ago so it doesn't really matter anymore. I feel like I wrote about it last time but I can't really remember.

Draco really understands me but only because he knows what I'm going through. Unlike Raven, he actually knows what it's like to not have a choice. He knows that I can't just _choose_ to stop. He understands why I run to my knife. Raven just thinks I want it and can just ignore it whenever I want. Even though Draco is trying hard not to cut, he still feels the call and gives in.

It seems insane but I can't help but be drawn to him. Whenever I see him my heart beats a little faster and I feel… Bright- like he is my sunshine on a cloudy day. It's really nice not to feel alone in the world anymore. Now that I look at it, it seems like he's the only one that understands me. Not even Raven gets why I do what I do.

However, the difference between me and Draco is that he doesn't lower his walls. He tries not to show any emotions but I know that it can't hold up all the time. He must cry sometimes. Everyone cried as everyone lies. He lies every day to everyone but me. I know he knows that I can see into him now. It's like I've been given a key to his soul and now I realize when he needs someone to be there for him. I've never seen him cry but I know he does. I don't show it but every night the tears stream down my face harder than the blood from my arms.

I'm tired. My knife is calling for the routine visit but I'm desperately trying not to answer her. She's done enough damage and I promised Draco and Raven. I now realize that I need to stop, yes, but I don't know if I can. It's hard not to do it for two or three nights. But I know that if I don't stop, I'll need blood donors every other week or something like that.

But now I really am tired. My knife calls but I'll resist. Hopefully the French date helped me and I do well in French tomorrow! Goodnight and you will hear from me soon.

Ginny

With quiet movements, Ginny closed her book and slipped it under her bed like she did whenever she wrote in it. She followed her usual routine; brushing her teeth and hair, cleaning her face, and dressing for bed. She slipped under the heavy, deep red covers and wallowed in the warmth they provided her. However, the warmth spread deep into her body as she remembered Draco's face.

His cool blue eyes, his light blonde hair cast over his eyes, his devious smirk that was so mysterious, and his strong, built body. Her breathing slowed as she tried to remember every aspect of the man she was falling for. Yes, Ginny Weasley was falling for Draco. She didn't know it yet but she was.

Her mind wandered as she drifted to sleep from Draco to Ron to her father to Draco again. Soon enough she fell into a deep sleep, filled with memories and dreams. If only she could harness them to control the dream and choose what happened or who happened.


	10. Page 10 Come Back

_I don't know if you can hear me_

_I have been waiting_

_For such a long time._

_Now that you are here,_

_I think it has been a waste of my time._

_Get away._

_But now you are gone._

_I have no one._

_Again._

_Please come back._

_You are so beautiful _

_But you are hidden behind your glass_

_Your mask._

_You are my drug._

_But you don't keep me going._

_You stop me._

_From myself._

_But it hurts._

_This burning need for my blade._

_It hurts in the worst way_

_Now that you're gone._

_Please come back._

_I'll do anything._

_I miss you._

_I need you._

_You are what is keeping me alive._

_Don't go now._

_I need you the most._

_Come back._

_Before I do something._

_Something I might regret._

_Something you might regret._

_Please._

_Come back to me._

_Stop my pain. _

_Come back._


	11. Page 11

Dear Diary,

Today is the beginning of break. I'm supposed to be packing but I really don't want to. I don't want to go back home. My dad stopped his AAA classes. I'm really afraid that I'm gonna go back and die. Raven isn't going to be there to save me. Fred and George are going to be working and they will only be over for two nights. No one else will care what happens to me. But Draco. And who knows what will happen to him. I am going to be worrying about him the whole time I'm at home. His home is ten times worse than mine is. He has no one else in his house that cares about him. If he dies, no one will know. At least people will know with me.

I'm packing all the things I'm gonna need. Some medical supplies like bandages, splints, that stuff you use to stitch up wounds, some Band-Aids, stuff for burns and cuts, and lots and lots of gauze. I'm gonna need all the stuff I can get. I'm really afraid to go back. Even Raven is freaking out and trying to get me to go back to her house. I can't do that or my dad will freak out and send someone out to get me. He's probably passed out drunk right now at home. I don't know how I'm going to keep my promise to Draco. Stop cutting. That's going to be the hardest part of my break. I'm not going to be able to get through my break without cutting.

And even if I do I will still have cuts all over because of my dad. He's probably going to cut me up with one if his broken liquor bottles.

It was winter break in my 3rd year. Dad had just started hitting me about five months ago and he had just started drinking. He lost his latest job and mom had just left. I got home and dad had acted glad to see me. I loved him. I ran up to him and ran into his arms like I had every year before. He held me and laughed. After dinner when I was washing dishes, he waltzed into the room. I could tell he was drunk. When he was right behind me I had tried to ignore him. Then he ran his hand up my back and I dropped the plate I was holding. It shattered on the ground. I watched him watch the broken dish for about thirty seconds. Then he turned on me and backhanded me as hard as he could. I can still see my vision clouding up with tears. He pushed me down onto the floor and just started kicking me. Twice in the stomach, four times in the ribs, three times in my legs, and then to finish me off, once in the head.

When I woke up I was in the basement. It was dark and I could still taste the blood in my mouth. Every breath I took felt like my chest was on fire. I looked at my bruised body and started to cry. How could my dad do that? I remember feeling my ribs and finding two broken. Even now, there were still some shards of my ribs in my lungs. I knew they were going to cut my life short, also my loss of blood. I had to drag myself up the stairs and sneak away to the road and ask for a ride to the hospital. I had a surgery to get my ribs fixed and it turned out that my stomach had been punctured and I was bleeding into my body. They fixed it and I left the hospital the day before I went back to school. I made sure to stay clear of my dad during those last two days.

Late every night I would sneak in and pack little by little all my clothes in my suitcase. No one ever knew I went into the house but Fred who stumbled into my room looking for the bathroom. I laughed a little and he saw me. He had never known that I had gotten home. I explained to him why he couldn't tell anyone and he agreed.

Whenever I went home on breaks, I would get knocked around and blood would be spilled and the twins would fix me up. It was the same routine over, every time I went home. Get beat to the brink of death, be fixed, and go back to school. But this time it is going to be different. I didn't have my twins. It was only the rest of my family who doesn't give a damn about me. Please, don't let me die. I don't want to leave Draco, Raven, and all my other friends.

Just let me leave.

Ginny


	12. Page 12

Dear Diary,

I'm grateful to be alive. My first day here and dad wasn't home to "greet" me. Thank god for that. I cleaned the house, my room, everything I could. I just want dad to be happy when he gets back. The house is the same as I left it. Terrible. I hate this house. It creaks and it is just scary because it is in the middle of nowhere. If I scream my head off, no one will hear it. I'm just sitting in my room. I have decided that I'm going to paint it black. This yellow it too bright. If I wake up, after blacking out, I don't want to see blinding colors. I want to see a dark color. Maybe a dark red will work.

Oh shit. A door just opened _and_ closed. I'm going to guess my dad. Please say I'm wrong. I'm going to go see who it is. Please don't be my dad.

Ginny


	13. Page 13

Dear Diary,

It was my dad. I can barely write this. I'm bleeding so badly. I don't even know what I did. I looked at him and he punched me in the mouth. I think I am missing a tooth. My nose is bleeding profusely and I can't see that well. Great. I think he had a knife with him. There is a gash going through my stomach and down my face. My arms are gushing blood. It is pooling out into the bathtub. It mixes with my tears. It's so beautiful… I'm loosing my sight. I can't really feel that much. I'm going to get my medical supplies under the sink.

I wrapped up my arms. That all I can do. I'm trying to stay awake. I can't die. Please don't let me die. Oh no my dad is yelling again. Keep me safe, let me live. Please. I can't do much else but sit and wait.

Ginny


	14. Page 14 From Dawn to Dusk

_Every hit I take and cut you leave_

_I get weaker every day_

_Day after day_

_Night after night_

_Dawn to Duck and back again_

_One more loss for you_

_One more hit for me_

_Is this luck or fate?_

_Am I cursed to suffer this life forever?_

_Or should I just end it_

_Right now_

_Right here_

_Bleeding on the floor_

_Broken, mangled, and battered_

_I reach for the light_

_But the closer I get _

_The further away it moves_

_I scream aloud and give up_

_I drift into oblivion_

_The light hits my eyes with blinding force_

_I grab my blade and drag it _

_Hard and swift_

_Across my skin and watch_

_Waiting for the night_

_The silence and peacefulness or that darkness_

_All I see is red dripping down my arm pooling at the floor_

_My sight dims_

_Then vanishes_

_Dawn to Dusk and back again_


	15. Page 15

Dear Diary,

I'm alive. Oh my god I'm alive and I'm okay and I don't know where I am but I'm alive! That is the greatest thing! It's kind of chilly and the room is a dark green. I can't recognize anything. I have been to Ravens house but hers isn't green. I don't know where I am. But I feel great! This is crazy! I still have scabs and bandages on but I can't feel any of my injuries. I'm not going to move (except my arm of course) so that I don't move any of my injuries. I don't want to feel pain. This room smells like- Well I don't know what it smells like. A guy I guess. It's like the smell of a man who wears very good smelling body spray. I think I'm high. Oh my god. I have been drugged. Haha look! I spy a cat! It just ate a bird! That bird was pretty. I'm sad it's gone. Well. I'm going to go to sleep again. I can see that the room has changed from green to neon orange. Ooh it is a mood room! Haha. Sleep time!

Ginny


	16. Page 16 Awake

_I remember you_

_Your breath smelled of alcohol_

_Your rage contorts your face_

_The knife in your hand looks menacing_

_I turn to run_

_I can't move_

_I fall_

_It's over_

_As quickly as it started, it ended_

_I fade into the unknown._

_Then I wake up_

_I move._

_No pain is in my body._

_Strange._

_I open my eyes to see your eyes looking into mine._

_Relief in your eyes sooths my heart_

_I smile then drift back into my sleep_

_My peaceful and comfortable sleep_

_I smile_


	17. Page Null

**A/N **This chapter does not follow the plot of the story but because I put so much time and effort into it, I put it up here. I thought that it oculd go at the end but I don't really know when the end is going to be. This poem also doesn't have the end being death or passing out.

* * *

_My light eyes-_

_Usually bright with happiness-_

_They have turned dark and evil._

_Evil._

_Such a misunderstood word._

_I could be called evil._

_The blood running down my arms could be called evil._

_But not to me._

_It's only comforting._

_I don't believe that word is used to describe evil._

_No one would suspect a girl like me would to this to herself._

_But it calms me down._

_My blade could be called evil._

_She calls to me_

_All the time._

_My razor still calls my name._

_I would have thought that she would be silent now._

_She had her fun._

_She should be resting._

_Deep down in my drawer she should be sleeping._

_But she is awake._

_Telling me that she has a new game to play._

_I take her out and ask her what game she wants to play._

_How do _I_ play?_

_She says she will show me._

_She places her self to my arm. _

_To the lightest but thickest blue, pulsing vain._

_She presses._

_Harder then she usually presses._

_She pulls herself straight down the length of my arm._

_The blood immediately follows her._

_They want to play too!_

_Some loose their way and fall down the sides of my arm._

_I smile- giggle._

_This new game makes my head spin._

_But I feel great._

_It's exhilarating just watching her do her work._

_I watch as my blood pools beneath my arm._

_I realize now what game I'm playing._

_It's a tough thinking game._

_My sight goes black and I have to choose a path._

_Which path should I choose?_

_My blade, still in my hand, tells me to take the white easy one._

_I look at it._

_I step in the white stone._

_It's warm and soft on my feet._

_However- I stop._

_For some reason I doubt her choice._

_Sure, it's nice but it seems to hide something._

_It feels evil._

_The second path shows pain and suffering._

_I step on the black, rough stones._

_I immediately jump off it._

_It burned my feet while it pushed sharp points into it._

_I don't like this path._

_I start to head towards the white path._

_But on the black path, I can hear a voice._

_The words- I can't hear them- and they mean nothing._

_But they sound afraid._

_Is it afraid for _me_?_

_Could someone actually care?_

_My blade says different._

_She tells me they don't care._

_I want to believe her._

_It's so much easier to just walk into my warm nothingness when no one cares._

_But choices- life- isn't easy._

_I turn my back to my white haven and face the voice._

_I can't see where it's coming from._

_I stare into the black trying to see the face that is spouting the words._

_Then I feel a pressure on my arm._

_Suddenly it feels as if my arm has burst into flames._

_I shut my eyes to go back to my white path._

_I can't find it._

_I scream at the feeling of the fire engulfing my arm._

_I open my eyes to see a room._

_I look around. _

_There are two people in the room._

_One is in a bed and one is leaning over then bed._

_I look onto the scene with sadness._

_I feel tear that I did not ask for._

_They fall down my face._

_I look at the faces again._

_The one in the bed looks incredibly familiar._

_But the one over the bed is unforgettable._

_My mom._

_She's weeping over the body._

_I tell her it's all right. _

_That she's going to be okay._

_But she just keeps crying._

_I tell her I'm here, a shoulder to cry on._

_I step next to her and look down at the face._

_My eyes open at the realization of the face._

_It's me._

_I'm the one in the bed._

_Hooked up on the meds._

_With the needles in my arm._

_With stitches all up my arm from where my razor played her game._

_I'm watching my body fight for life._

_I feel the pull of it as it calls to me._

_The call isn't evil._

_It's not my razor's call._

_It's a sweet call._

_But I know that if I go back to my body I will hear her call._

_And sure enough, with each step I take_

_I hear her call my name._

_I try to black it out but I can't._

_But I'm still walking toward my body._

_Towards its call._

_Until I'm standing over myself._

_I touch my hand and I can feel that touch on _my_ hand._

_My heart beats once._

_I vanish._

_But it's only for a second and then I'm back again._

_When I touch my body I come alive._

_I try it again._

_This time it lasts for two heartbeats._

_My mom is hyperventilating._

_But I don't like being alive._

_I feel crushed._

_It's hell being alive._

_For one thing, it hurts._

_It burns and stabs._

_It's a tight fit in my body._

_I feel as if I'm crushed when I'm in there._

_I really don't want to go back._

_But the look in my mom's eyes make me change my mind._

_It's hope._

_Hope that I'm going to live._

_I know that wishes almost never come true._

_But I thought that if this one time-_

_This one act of selflessness-_

_Makes my mom happy for the rest of her life, I guess it's worth my pain._

_I don't want to let her down._

_I don't want to see that hope leave her eyes._

_I jump up on the end of the hospital bed my body is in._

_I look down at myself one last time and turn around._

_I shut my eyes, getting ready for the agony._

_I lean back a little bit._

_And then I fall. _

_Right into my body._

_My heart beats and I sob._

_I shed more tears._

_Not for the fact that I didn't let mom down._

_Not that I'm happy._

_Not for the pain- the burning feeling._

_But for the fact that I'm alive._

_And it hurts._

_I slow my breathing and I cry myself into a dreamless sleep._


	18. Page 18

Dear Diary,

I still have no idea where I am. But I'm alive, my dad isn't here, and there are house-elves waiting on my every need. I think I like it here. I might stay here so that I'll never have to go back to my real home. I love this place. The food is wonderful. And I can do whatever I want! I haven't seen one person here yet. It's kind of lonely. I don't have my wand but I _do_ have all my clothes. I wonder if this is a trap. But I don't sense anything that says it could be a trap. The house elves will provide me with everything I need EXCEPT where I am and who owns the house. They say that people live here and that they check up on my when I'm sleeping (creepy I know) but they have much to do in the daytime. Well on the bright side, that means that they aren't vampires. For some reason I'm a little disappointed. Vampires are cool and very interesting. The house elves are making me my bath. The bathrooms are HUGE here! I swear they are bigger than most of the bathrooms at school! And the school bathrooms are pretty big too! I'm gonna go take a bath. Maybe swim a few laps in the pool-sized tub. Hehe. Maybe I'll find out who lives here. Well I'm going to go bathe!

Ginny


	19. Page 19

Dear Diary,

I'm getting ready for dinner with the residents here. They must be filthy rich because I got a massage with heat and oil. I was given treatment for my arms. It's been four days since I last cut. And I feel pretty good about myself. I'm getting dressed. I really wanted to wear my skinny jeans and my low-cut black top but the elves seem to have hidden them somewhere in this huge house. They have provided me with a choice of a beautiful red blowsy top with a fairly short skirt or a dark red dress with beautiful jewels. It's a fairly big ruby on a gold chain with diamond earings. It's a beautiful dress. Very short. It goes up to the middle of my thigh that when I sit it _just_ covers my panties. But I love it anyways so I think I'm going to wear it instead of the skirt. The black shoes are the perfect size, as the dress is. I think they were charmed to fit and make me look great. I mean- I have always looked okay but now I look beautiful. The elves are getting fed up with me writing this so I'm just going to go now. I will write later and tell you who might live here.

~ Ginny W.


	20. Page 20

Dear Diary,

Oh my gosh! Dinner was wonderful! For appetizers, we had some wonderful soup made of some type of vegetable that I have never heard of. But it was good so I ate it. It was small so I would still be hungry for my dinner. Next, we had a salad. Yeah. It was a salad. I can't complain. Then we had the main course, which was a perfectly cooked goose with some cranberry sauce. It was amazing! With that we had some steamed artichoke with this delicious butter sauce. There were suspended candles in the air. Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you who lives here! It's the Malfoys! Who would guess that they would take me in?! Well Lucious was executed for the killings of tons of Aurors and Draco decided to turn spy for the Ministry. His mother, who's name escapes me, cleans and helps fight against the Death-Eaters. She is a wonderful woman and great company. We spent hours just talking about fighting and great techniques. I think I could live here forever! I really don't ever want to go back home. School is fine but here is great. The food, the candles, they even served champagne. It was incredible! Malfoy and I get along great too! After dinner, we just talked about what we wanted to do after school ends and where we were gonna go. Draco and I have a lot in common. He knew that my dad hit me and his hit him too. Even though it wasn't as bad 'cause he had other stuff to do. Draco hated his father and hopes that wherever he is, he is constantly being tortured. He thought it was terrible and then only reason the he is so horrid to everyone is because he thinks that he has a reputation to uphold. Also, when he would show weakness, his father would beat him. I think that it's crazy that that happens. Mrs. Malfoy offered to let me stay at their house. They had even managed to grab all of my clothes but they also bought me new ones because they didn't think it was right that I had to wear the clothes that remind me of my past. I have no problem wearing the clothes but I think I'm going to go shopping with Mrs. Malfoy because she is so nice and she has great taste! I might bring Raven along because she has good taste too. I could give Ron something to look at. I know that he can't afford the clothes that Narcissa (that's her name!) would get for me. I feel a little guilty that she would spend so much on me but then again, when am I ever going to get another chance like this? I don't think ever. Well we're about to leave so I'm gonna get ready to go buy myself a whole new wardrobe! I'll write later saying what I got.

~Ginny W.


	21. Page 21

**A/N**: I'm sorry that I haven't put anyhting new up. I was hoping that I would get more reviews but I was wrong. But I have gotten into a mood that gives me the inspiration to write.

**Note has been removed.**

* * *

Dear Diary,

I've been having almost the same dream every night for a week I'm at my house and I hear the door slam. I look around and no one is there until I go back to my room. The door slams shut and my sight turns hazy. I am now watching my body turn around and face my father. He stumbles up to me and grabs my hair and lifts my head up. I can even see the fear in my eyes, the tears too, but I don't cry. I know that if I cried I would have an even worse punishment. Then I think to myself. Why and I being punished? I haven't done anything. I get slapped in the face and fall to the floor. But I'm fine. I get up and back away, asking why. Why am I being punished?

"You whore. You are the reason I lost my job. The reason your mother left me. The reason was because _you_ were born. _THAT _is why. Now get. Back. Here."

I run. I run as fast as I can and as far away as possible. Out the door into the field. But then I hit a barrier and my father catches up with me. However, now Ron is with him. My father punches me in the face as Ron holds me. I can feel my bones break. Ron tosses me onto the ground. Hard. Ron kicks me in the stomach as my dad kicks me in my back. Raven shows up, no doubt going to save me from this horrible fate of mine. But instead, she pulls out her wand and aims it at me.

"Crutio." She says in her sweet but serious voice. I'm still watching this but I can feel the power of the spell through my veins. I scream out and shoot up in my bed. This has happened the past week, now that I've been at school. But Raven comes to me as many different people I love. Once it was the twins. That must have been the worst dream because Fred (or George) preformed the normal spell but then the other killed me.

I can't keep this up without going insane. I'm worried about _my _sanity. Not Raven's, because she deals with people like me every Friday. She works at the insane asylum. She gets people that cut, O.D, and are just crazy psychos. I would love to work there! I keep asking Raven to bring me, but she thinks it's a bad idea. I can see, now, that she is right. If I ever went there, I would get even more fucked up. I can't sleep as it is. I'm so afraid of going back into the dreams that hurt me. I haven't seen Ron around yet. I am trying my hardest to avoid him… But I know that someday, I'm going to see him.

I've gone to Draco about this but he says that I should sleep and try to make sense of my dreams. Try to talk more to my father, Ron, and the others. I am just waiting for the day that Draco kills me in my dream. I don't know how I'm going to face him. We have been privately talking every day. It's been six says since we've been back in school. The day that my nightmares started, I scared the life out of the oldest house elf in the mansion. He had a heart attack from my screams and we had to get a witch doctor to come and help us. Raven was worried about me the whole time I was there. I forgot to tell her that I was taken away and I was staying at the Malfoys. She flipped at me when I got back to the school in one piece.

I have been eating my meals in my room to avoid Ron and the rest of my family. But tonight I'm going to the hall. It's Saturday and I know that a lot of people are most likely out at Hogsmede. But I know that Raven is gonna be here with me. That's enough to get me down there. So I'm going to eat my dinner. Wish me luck!

Ginny


	22. Page 22 My Last Hello

**A/N: **I tried rhyming... I hope it's alright. I definately want your thoughts on this piece. Please review!

_I can't live this life I'm living_

_With tears built up inside my body_

_Pain kept from the ones I love_

_But now I see_

_The pain is deep inside of me_

_I wish my soul_

_The life of my body_

_Was full and whole_

_But I know that no matter what I try_

_No matter how hard I cut_

_Or how many tears I cry_

_I won't live my life to its fullest._

_And it makes me wonder_

_If my life is even worth living._

_What have I to hold onto, if anything_

_Anyone who loves me._

_I try to imagine your face_

_But all I see is hate._

_No love is meant for me_

_Only sadness and pity._

_I try to make my life the best I can_

_But my time is up and it's no time to pretend_

_I have a meaning here._

_I now realize this with the blade in my hand._

_I turn it around and think;_

_Who cares weather I live or die?_

_Will I have a funeral?_

_Will anyone cry?_

_Hold me in their heart or make a speech?_

_The birds outside squawk and screech_

_But it's drown out_

_By the pounding of my blood_

_As it flows out of my body_

_Down the sink_

_Into the water in the ocean to give new life._

_I hope it's a better life than the one given._

_Now I want to lie_

_That this is my last goodbye._

_But it is only my last hello_

_And my last smile to the friends I used to know._


	23. Page 23

Dear Diary,

See this is the time I wish I had more friends so that they could warn me of the horrors waiting at the end of the stairs. Not only did I not get to dinner; I didn't get out of the common room. Ron was at the bottom of the stairs with Harry and Hermione. I remember when Harry and I were friends. Hermione too! But when I came down the stairs, they looked at me with daggers. I stopped in my tracks and was about to turn around when Ron cast a spell on me.

I couldn't move. Only watch as Ron came over to me and back handed me as hard as I have ever felt him hit me. He asked where I was but I couldn't respond. Harry kicked me in the stomach. He also asked me where I was. Hermione took out her wand and said a spell I have never heard before. Immediately, I felt as though my body was on fire and it couldn't do anything. I just wanted to die right there. I would have if the ruckus weren't intervened. However, this wasn't until about ten minutes of being punched, kicked, and slapped in the face, ribs, stomach, back, and neck. After it was over, I couldn't see anything, my body was still on fire and I couldn't move. At all. Even when I could feel the spell lifting off of me and I could feel my fingers burn and twitch.

The fire was something that I have never experienced before and I never want to again. No one will understand the shit I was just put through. Mind you, I am writing about a week and a half after it happened. I had been in the hospital wing for about a day until I got hold of my vocal chords. I screamed and screamed at the fire that kept getting hotter with every move I made. The more intense it became, the louder I screamed. They eventually sent me to St. Mungo's. There, it took them 9 days to figure out what was wrong with me. They only found out because I kept screaming fire at them. I think that they hired idiots. For them to take 9 days to figure out what was wrong with me as I shouted FIRE at them constantly. Then it took another day to find an antidote to whatever Hermione had cast on me.

The entire time, I was screaming, crying and shouting profanities at the stupid as shit "doctors" because of their stupidity and not being fast enough to put out my inner fire. When they explained what happened, it turned out to be a very illegal spell and it made a burning feeling to erupt in your heart and it would spread the fire the rest of your body by the blood stream. That is why it just kept going and never ended. No wonder it took so long or the medicine to work! It had to be spread to my entire body through my bloodstream. And had I not been entered into the hospital that soon, I would have been dead in two of three more days… Well there is a god, and he hates me. If God loved me, he would have let me die. Were it from this fiery blood or from Raven not waking up in the middle of the night to check on me to find my passed out in a pool of my own blood.

I don't owe my life to God- why would He want it, anyways? I owe it to Raven. But again, why would she want my life? Maybe for a sacrifice. But I don't think she is into that kind of stuff. I'll have to see why she keeps saving my life. For now, I get to eat more meals in the comfort of my room because it's apparent that I can't stay in a hospital bed because "someone" has it out for me. Great. My food is here. I don't know if I want to eat it or just starve myself to death. It would be a slower thing but I could do it… But who would that leave Draco to? Ugh I hate my life even more now that I have a reason to live…

Unhappily,

Ginny.


	24. Page 24

Dear Diary,

I'm allowed to go to classes today. But the truth is, I'm afraid. I used to face the world head-on. But with the people who I thought loved me have hurt me in a way that is indescribable. Hermione and I had shared almost everything with each other. All but the fact that Ron hit me and that I cut. We used to do homework together! And now she traded it all away for what? Being near Ron and his abusiveness? It would only be a matter of time until he starts hurting her.

I am getting ready for classes. I know that Draco is in my class and he will protect me…. Right? I hope so… My bags are packed and my wand is sitting at the top of my bag in case I need it quickly. I'm still afraid to leave my room. But I do need to get to class.

* * *

I'm in potions now. Raven is next to me reading what I'm writing. She turned away once she saw that I found out. We're learning about the Wiggenweild potion. It's so incredibly boring that I have decided to make small paper swans. Raven is charming them so that when we leave, they will start flying around the room. I just hope Snape never finds out it's us. But still, I'm glad I'm having fun again. I'm trying so hard to stifle my laughter but its not really working. SNAPE!

* * *

Snape just caught us but we hid the swans. I have to concentrate on the potion and hope I don't screw up. But I don't think I'm going to do that well because I'm paired with Raven. She is terrible with potions Thank god I'm here. I have to go now.

* * *

I'm back… I failed and Raven is mad at me. I have never had her mad at me. I would never think that she would get mad at me. I try so hard to make her happy when I'm not passed out. Maybe she has finally given up on me. She may have seen that I'm not going to change. I guess she hasn't been that pleasant to me since last night. Last night I was afraid and depressed. I found my silver blade and practiced my art on my thigh. I made it so that Draco wouldn't be able to see it. Ever. I know it was bad but. I was feeling so alone. Hermione walked out on me, I hadn't seen Draco for about 2 weeks and I only had Raven to keep me company during the night.

While she was out at her classes, I butchered my thigh. But since I have gotten so used to not having any pain, it hurt… Which made me cry even harder. Which made me cut deeper… I hate my life so much that I wish Raven hadn't come back to find me. She only wrapped up my leg. She didn't clean anything up or say a word. When she left I could see her eyes looked sad but angry. That made me more depressed but then I remembered her eyes… I pulled up my sleeve and saw the pattern of my cuts. Just to look at them. I didn't change anything, I realized. Cutting doesn't solve anything. I now think it creates more problems.

I'm ready to stop. It doesn't do anything but hurt myself and Raven too. I will tell Draco and hope he doesn't desert me. Wish me luck!

~Ginny


	25. Page 25

Dear Diary,

Today is our Hogsmede trip and I know I'm not going to be able to write in here while I'm out. I know that Ron and Harry have detention and Hermione wouldn't dare hurt me because I could fight her off. Draco is going to see me around Hogsmede and I'm very excited about that. I have only known him for so long so I still don't know if I can fully trust him… But I'm going to try… I feel very daring today so I think I'm going to dress in the clothes that Narcissa bought for me. She is such a lovely lady. We got make-up, clothes and shoes for me to wear.

I'm stuck between my red and black plaid mini skirt and my tight black skinny jeans. I know I'm going to be wearing my black, form fitting, button down with a chain going across it. I think that if I wore the skinny jeans, I would be too black. So I think I'm going to wear my skirt and the button-down. It looks very nice on me, highlighting my skinny, petite legs and my pale skin. The shirt makes me look nice and thin and small and it makes my boobs look bigger (Hey- I need it…) and it makes my scars look very neutral. You can barely see them!

Now time for my make-up. I can't write while doing it…"

Ginny turned the book over as she got out her make-up. Her blush was subtle and it made her cheekbones lift a bit, making her face look happier than she felt. She put on some dark green eye shadow to highlight her light green eyes. After that, she coloured her hair to be more red than brown so it would shine in the sun. She put mascara on her eyelashes so that they would look longer and darker. For the final touch, she put on eyeliner. A heavy amount on her bottom lid and then less on her top.

She looked in the mirror and a smile touched her lips. However, that smile did not reach her beautiful green eyes. She was missing something… Looking closer, she realized that she was missing lipstick. She pulled it out of her back and took off the lid. Flashbacks to her mother flooded her mind.

_"Okay hunny, I'm going out and I can't have you telling daddy, okay?" Ginny nodded. She didn't know why she wanted her not to tell dad but she got it. _

_"Momma, what's that?" She said, pointing to a tube of lipstick. It was a dark red._

_"That is lipstick. You put if on your lips when you go out with a person you like. I'm going out tonight so I'm going to put it on. You put on a light coat on your top lip, tracing the outline of your lip like this." She traced her upper lip with the bottle and then put if away. Then she pursed her lips and rubbed them around a little. "Now you have to rub your lips together. And it will get on your bottom lip so it looks normal. See?" Ginny nodded. _

Ginny shook her head to rid herself of the memory. That was the day that her dad found out that her mother was cheating on him and started hitting Ginny. Ginnys eyes darkened as she fought the memories that tried to relocate to the front of her mind. She wouldn't let that happen so she pushed them back.

She grabbed the tube and applied the lipstick to her upper lip when raven walked in. Ginny jumped in the air.

"RAVEN! Jesus Raven you scared the shit out of me!" Ginny yelled as she went to pick up her lipstick that she dropped.

"What are you doing in here? Performing a ritual?" Raven said with sarcasm in her voice.

"I was getting ready for my date."

"Date?" Ginny hadn't realized what she'd said until Raven repeated it to her. Her face flushed to a bight red.

"I meant. I'm going into Hogsmede with Draco… It's NOT a date. Sorry wrong choice of words." Raven looked at her, skeptical. "Really! I mean it. Don't look at me like that! I DON'T LIKE DRACO!" That made her blush even more for she had called him Draco.

"You like him. Just watch out. Ron isn't going to a very happy camper when he finds out you're dating Malfoy." Ginny became red with anger now.

"I'm. Not. Dating. Him. Let it go." She said, putting emphasis into every word. Ginny was shooting daggers at Raven.

"Okay, okay! I'll let it alone… But still this is a big deal. I'm glad you're at least getting yourself out there." Raven couldn't control the laughter she was holding in and burst on the floor laughing

"Thanks for the support…" Ginny murmured. Raven was laughing too hard to notice anything. Ginny packed up her supplies and headed back into her room and picked up her diary and resumed writing.

"I just finished my make-up and I think it looks great! Raven is in the bathroom laughing her brains out. I hope that a lung collapses and she goes into a choking fit. JUST KIDDING! That wouldn't be very nice because that would mean that I would only have Draco left.

Speaking of which, I think that I might have to get going or I'll be late. So I'm going to say goodbye and I hope that Raven is okay. She seems to be crying now and clawing her way across the floor to me. Still laughing though! I have to laugh to because it looks like she is dying but its funny. Maybe she laughs at me when she cleans me up at night…. Well lets not get depressed now! I'm going to go now!

Ginny"

Ginny shut her diary and said a charm to lock it and make sure that no one could open it or destroy it. She slipped it under her bed and put her make-up kit in her bag, slipped on her shoes, and casually walked out of her room leaving Raven, choking on her laughter, and headed for the front doors to meet up with Draco.


	26. Page 26

When Ginny got to the Oak Doors, she took a deep breath and pushed them open, forcing them to emit a loud creaking noise that echoed through the hall. A light breeze came into the entrance hall, causing Ginny to shiver a bit. She thought about going back up to the Dorm but she reconsidered seeing that she was the last person to be out of the castle for the trip. Ginny took a few steps outside onto the platform that overlooked the grounds. The sight was breathtaking. The trees in the forest were turning a slight shade of orange, red, and yellow. The sky was a light blue with a few fluffy, white clouds rolling across the sky. A flock of geese flew across the sky in their v-shape, heading south for the upcoming winter, she presumed.

Ginny took a few steps and descended the steps that led onto the grounds, heading for the last carriage that was being drawn by a little thestral. She remembered flying it into England with a group of Dumbledor's Army. She was forced to ride on her thestral with Hermione because Harry didn't want to trust her with her own, afraid she would fly back to the school or fly away. Ginny walked up to the thestral and pet it on the nose.

"I'm glad I have someone that knows what it's like to be alone. Come, take me to Hogsmede, love," She said as she stepped into the carriage. When the thestral started to cantor Ginny felt a pang of guilt and fear. If any of the Golden Trio found her with Draco, she would be severely punished and she didn't want to. She also felt guilty because she knew that Draco and her couldn't be friends because of Harry and Ron. However, the thought of her spending a whole day with Draco made the knot in her stomach loosen.

It took about 15 minutes to get the Hogsmede, the whole way Ginny thought about what she and Draco would do. She decided that she wanted to go to Honeydukes to get some sweets. She also wanted to go to the Hogshead to get something warm. Ginny looked forward to the day ahead of her. If only she knew what was in store ahead, she would have turned the carriage around and gone back up to her room.

When the thestral stopped, Ginny opened the door and hopped out of the carriage. What her face met the bitter wind, she turned it to the side to stop the sting it made. She hurried into the Hogshead and made her way to an empty table. She sat down and ordered a butterbeer while she waited for Draco. Even though she was late, he must have been later. Or he thought that Ginny wasn't going to show up. Ginny's butterbeer came and she quickly downed it and asked for another while she kept waiting. It had been only five minutes but still, Ginny was getting impatient. Her eyes kept scanning the people who walked by outside the window, just waiting for the flash of silver hair that she so eagerly awaited. Another five minutes passed and Draco still hadn't shown up. Ginny was getting worried about him now. It wasn't like Draco to be late, especially when it came to her.

Ginny turned her head when she heard the familiar whisper of Hermione. She was talking to Dean and by the way she glared at Ginny, it must have been about her. Dean turned to look but Hermione kicked him from under the table, not wanting Ginny to see that they were talking about her. Ginny huffed and turned back around. Still, she could hear Hermione's loud whispers and her name thrown around a few times. Ginny was getting very impatient, now, and decided that she was going to look for Draco on her own.

Ginny stood up, attracting attention from some other students, and she glided out of the room. When she walked outside into the cold, again, she wrapped her cloak around her shoulders tighter than it already was and pulled her Gryffindor scarf tighter around her neck. Tears welled up in her eyes from the bitter cold and Ginny started shivering a bit. She walked down the almost deserted street into the wind to try to find the last place she would be able to find Draco- Borgin and Burke. She hurried to the dark corner of Hogsmede and when she got there, she saw a set of footprints in the frozen mud going to the shop. Draco's maybe? Ginny followed them, hoping she was right and sure enough, in the shop window was Draco and another fellow that wasn't facing her.

Ginny thought about going in but then remembered that Draco and Ginny weren't supposed to be together at all because Draco "hated" her. He never _really_ showed it anymore but she knew that he still had a reputation to uphold and Ginny didn't want to make his life any worse than it already was. Ginny just waiting on a bench at the end of the small ally until Draco came out again.

It took a little while but Draco managed to come out. Ginny had resorted to sending out her patronus to scare away the rats that scampered through the ally. When Draco came out, Ginny's patronus radiated a brilliant white, almost blinding and then, when Ginny realized this, she called it back.

"Ginny! How long have you been waiting out here in the bitter cold?" Draco asked with worry and surprise in his voice.

"Oh only a little while. I stayed in the Hogshead for around ten minutes then decided to come seek you here. I don't know why but- I just did," Ginny said in a guilty voice that seemed to not be hers.

"Oh love, you should be in the warmth! Come on, I'll take you back the Hogshead and we'll get you a butterbeer to warm you up." Draco seemed very happy today. Ginny wondered what was up but didn't want to say anything.

"Well I'm not really that cold, you see, my patronus is warm and I've been plaing with it for a while so I'm not that cold." Draco didn't buy it and took Ginny's arm to pull her back to the Hogshead.

The entire conversation, the two were unaware that the owner of Borgin and Burke was watching the entire conversation. He turned his back to them while they walked off and took out a mittor from his pocket.

"Lucious? Art thou hither? Thy heir seems to have a connection with the littlest of the Weasly family. I had thought that said information you would greatly appretiate. I must get back to thy toil." And with that he replaced the mirror back in his pocket and continued his work.


	27. Page 27

Dear Diary,

So Hogsmede with Draco wasn't bad. After I found him in Borgin and Burke, we went back to the Hogshead and Draco bought me a butterbeer. He is such a sweet boy. Raven caught up with us at Honeydukes and we bought tons of candy! I'm going to become fat from all of this candy. We saw Ron and Harry in Honeydukes but Hermione was nowhere to be found. It confused me for a second and then more candy was put in front of me and the thought vanished instantly.

After we were finished in Honeydukes, we headed off to another shop- I can't remember the exact name of it anymore but it was a little tiny store and there were cute little trinkets in it. Draco bought small glass flower that closes when I'm unhappy and opens when I'm happy. It made me wonder, though, if Draco did this to keep an eye on me or just because it looked pretty. I bought a little present for Raven, too. I also bought Draco a present but I don't think I'm going to tell what it is. It's a surprise and if anyone ever gets this Diary they might tell him (but I hope no one ever stumbles across this Diary). I got Raven a raven because I know that it pisses her off but makes her extremely happy at the same time.

So after we were done at the shop I told Draco to go catch up with Blaise and Pansy so that it doesn't make him seem too suspicious. Raven and I went shopping for some new clothes. I got a new pair of heels, a dress, a miniskirt, a long sleeve top (which is adorable _and_ hot), a pair of skinny jeans, a new cloak, and some arm warmers. Raven got a few shirts and a pair of jeans. She doesn't need much. I also picked up some healing serum from The Witch's Brew so that if I get more cuts I can have them concealed and healed in a quick pace. Not saying that I'm going cut anytime soon- well I hope not. I've been feeling so much better recently. The food tastes better, the sky is bluer, and everything feels just- more wonderful! I don't know what's going on but whatever it is, I hope it stays.

I'm feeling tired now. I guess a day full of great things can exhaust you. From waiting in the cold to shopping, I must have spent a great deal of energy. I might just dose off now. I guess I'll write the next time I can get around to it. I promised Raven that I would go to the Quiddich game tomorrow. It's the last one and it's the finals, Slytherin verses Gryffindor. I would like to see who wins, I mean- I want Draco to be happy but I also want Gryffindor to win.

Well good night Diary, I'll write later.

Ginny

Ginny shut her Diary and said the protective spells over it before putting it in between her mattress and the frame of her bed. She got up, pulled off her sweater and put on a baggy tee shirt, stripped off her jeans and replaced them with sweats. She did a spell that cleaned her teeth, brushed her hair, and made her a bit sleepy.

When Ginny made it back to her bed, it must have been around 1:30 and most of the girls were asleep in their beds. Ginny only wrote when people were asleep because she didn't like the thought of people becoming curious about what she would write in her diary. Nor did she want them to accidentally see the bloodstains of when she passed out writing in her journal. She kept it private and she liked it that way. Only Raven knew about her Diary because she would find it laying around and put the protective charms on it when Ginny had passed out.

Ginny hopped into her bed and pulled the covers up to her neck. She waited until she was fully warm to shut her eyes and let her mind wonder. It replayed the events of the past day giving her a warm feeling. Just seeing herself so happy made her even happier. Then her thoughts drifted to Draco and how handsome he looked. Ginny was not surprised at her thoughts because she had fancied him for a while. His silver eyes no longer looked so cold as they used to. Even though it was winter, his skin didn't seem so pale and his hair that she usually though to white was nothing but a pretty blonde that she wouldn't change- ever.

The thought of Draco made Ginny smile even brighter. She did like him. She liked him a lot but she knew it would never work between them. But hey- she could hope. Then a strange thought came into her head. She hadn't hoped for anything since a few months after her father's abuse had started. She had always hoped that it would end. That maybe her dad would kill her- end her pain forever. However, if he had done that she never would have really met Draco. She was glad yet sad that her dad had started hitting her. Draco was such a kind soul, even though he didn't act it in public and Ginny was propitious to have found such a man as Draco.

While Ginny dreamed, she was unaware of Hermione lurking in the corner of her room with a wicked smile across her face and a wand in her hand. After she was convinced that Ginny was sleeping, she walked up to her bed and cast a silencing charm around the bed. She remembered reading about a curse that was said to be more painful than the Cruciatus Curse. Doleo was supposed to be a curse that made the brain send waves of pain down the body and force the heart of the hexed beat slowly and the lungs of them not work properly. It lasts for hours and it causes the hexed to have loss of blood from their limbs making it unbearable to move and making it almost impossible to breath.

Hermione was excited to see the effects of the curse. She stood by the side of Ginny's bed and before she cursed her she decided to look into her dreams. She said the spell and was thrust into Ginny's unconscious. What she saw made her stop in her tracks- not like she was going to be moving anywhere. She found herself in a shower stall. But she wasn't alone.


	28. Page 28 The Right Decision

_You see her eyes, you see her smile, as she walks up to you._

_Her innocence and youth preserved, she hasn't got a clue_

_Of life, of love, of things to come and things that shall be past._

_She's too naïve in thinking that relationships will last._

_The dread of what is yet to come cuts you to the bone._

_The thought of tears in her green eyes really hits near home._

_Now you see the love you have has never left your heart._

_You realize you did not intend this thing to fall apart._

_It never is too late for you to turn your mind around._

_Your soul is pure, your head on earth, your feet are on the ground._

_The memories that passed now flood into your mind._

_You never thought of loosing her, of leaving her behind._

_She finally approaches and you pull her to embrace._

_The feeling knowing she's still there makes your heartbeat race._

_You would never give her up, you realize this now._

_She is your life, your happy place; she gets you through somehow._

_With eyes blind and senses dulled you still feel her on you_

_And though she's smart, she doesn't see what she can really do._

_Some can't walk through fire and bullet the way you simply can,_

_But lucky is she to be allowed to call you her man._

_The boy is you, blue eyes and strong, hiding what no one can see._

_I just hope you know you're not alone. The girl you need is me._


	29. Page 29

"Dear Diary,

Today is the start of Christmas break. I have decided that I will visit my family (i.e. Fred and George). I will spend about an hour and hope that nothing happens while I'm there. Ten I will pack up all of my belongings and officially move out into Draco's house. I haven't told Draco the plan… I'm afraid he won't let me do it. But I really think I have to do it. I will have Fred and George to protect me so that I won't have to face _anyone_ alone.

So I have already wrapped up everyone's gifts. Draco's is perfect and I'm so excited to give it to him! I'm still not telling (anyone reading this might tell him!). I have also bought a lovely scarf for Narcissa. It is an emerald green with a frill at the end. It is made of a fabric that is light as air, soft as silk, and warm as wool. I though it was a pretty awesome gift and knowing her sense of fashion, I know she would like it. The end of the scarf also has little snakes dangling off of it. You can tell it's a slytherin scarf but I love it all the same. I mean _I_ would want it!

I haven't seen or heard from Ron or Harry and whenever I pass by Hermione, she looks at me as if she knows something… It is really starting to freak me out. She gives me this evil grin that I just want to smack off her ugly little face. However, I am also worried that she may actually know something that can get me into trouble. But I haven't done much except hang out with Draco. I haven't really been hanging out with Raven, which I find funny because we're best friends.

Well that makes me think about hanging out with her today… I'm not doing much other than working on my homework. I have an essay to do for Transfiguration that is on turning a shoe into a jacket. So far, I'm not doing well. I can't seem to get the words right or the wrist movement. I'm also supposed to work on my reticent spells. I'm only doing easy ones like 1st year spells but this is really hard. I know that only purebloods can use wordless magic so I know that Hermione hasn't got a chance.

I must get this out because it's been bugging the living soul in me for ages. I've been having really strange dreams, all of which contain Draco in them. The last one I had was when him and I were in Hogsmede. I had been sitting, waiting for him and when he came to get me there was something… off about him. His eyes didn't match his smile. He seemed to be looking through me- as in not looking at me. But he would take my hand and lead me to the shrieking shack where we would enter through the back and follow the dog footsteps until we got to a room with a piano and a bed. It was creepy but romantic. The dusts that was normally there wasn't and it looked like a nice place.

This always got me thinking; who lived in here before it was abandoned? What did the place look like? But after the thoughts would invade my head Draco would replace it and his lips would be on mine, sending waves of pleasure down my spine and through my body. He's lift me off my feet and lay me down on the plush bed, lips never breaking contact, while our clothes, literally, melted off our bodies. The watery clothes would engulf us and we'd be plunging down into water. And when I opened my eyes to see him, he was no where. Then I realized I'm drowning. But as I was about to give up hope, two strong hands would rip me back to earth and I'd open my eyes to find beautiful gray one's looking into mine. Draco's eyes. He kissed me again but this time with urgency and determination, as if to prove something. He would say something but I couldn't hear.

His eyes wandered over the soft ground and I followed his lusting gaze to find Hermione standing there, watching us. It made my breath come in short gasps as though hands were closed around my neck. Every exhale I would make, the inhale was more challenging to take in. She just stood there and watched. Draco got up and walked over to her and snaked his hands around her and kissed her. Hermione kissed him back, looking smug- all the while still watching me. Her eyes never left mine as she kissed him. Then she said something, once again I couldn't hear it and my veins would burst into flames, waking me up with a sharp pain all over my body.

It may be the weirdest thing that I've ever dreamed of. And the pain felt so _real_! The choking, the pain at the ending, the drowning- it all felt as though it was real! I would go to someone but I can't. The only person I could tell is Raven and I would rather not tell her about the dream- but I couldn't tell her the pain if I didn't tell her the dream. I don't like keeping things from her… but I can't tell her. I can't tell anyone. I guess I'm on my one with this one.

Well Raven's come back so I will go check what she's doing today!

Good bye!

Ginny"

The petite redhead clicked her diary shut and said her charms under her breath to seal it, hiding it deep in her bed. She got up off of her bed and slowly walked over to the desk that Raven was sitting at.

"Hey Raven! Long time…" Ginny was cut off.

"What? Come to brag to me about your little boyfriend now?" Raven spat out. Ginny was taken aback. She'd done nothing to Raven to have her say such a thing. Trying to think about something to say back, Raven snapped her book shut.

"I know that you and Draco are a thing! Don't even try to deny it. I see you and him together all the fucking time and where does that leave me? Just sitting by myself in the dorm rooms! Alone! You know what it's like to be alone _all the time_, don't you? You remember those nights that I had to do shit and I couldn't baby-sit you? Remember those times that you didn't even _know_ me? That was me except I didn't know when you were coming back! You had no reason to return either, because you were with you pretty little boyfriend! And not only that but you didn't _tell_ me about it! What the fuck is wrong with you? I've been your best friend for _years_ and you don't have the damn nerve to come and tell me that you have a boyfriend, which I would have accepted if you told me earlier! But right now I don't want to hear _shit_ from you!" Raven was fuming now. Gin could swear she saw a but of smoke come out of her ears.

"Raven I don't know what to say," Raven cut her off again.

"Than don't say anything… Just leave me alone." As Raven stomped off, Ginny was left to deal with her thoughts. Her best friend, because of something that hadn't even happened, had just verbally attacked her! It felt as though Raven had pushed her off a cliff. The feeling in her stomach was the feeling she got when she had to show a grade less than an A to her father. Her eyes pricked as tears came forth, falling from her lashes. Her chest heaved with silent sobs and she sank to the floor right there.

What Ginny thought was going to be a chance to spend time with her friend had become an emotional downfall. She'd had enough of emotions- enough of the tears that always had to sting her eyes every time she cried. She had nowhere to turn except to her knife, which she'd given up for weeks, now. But she was stronger than that. She could fight the call of her blade. She _had_ to or she would make a mistake she didn't want to make again; loosing another friend.

Ginny got up and walked to her bed, crept up on it and shut the covers around it so she could get some sleep. She was definitely tired and knew that sleep would bring a release of her emotions. It would bring a release all right, but Ginny was about to find out that it's better to hold on then let go.


	30. Page 30

**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!**

**A/N: I'm glad that I got some reviews. Don't forget to request me to friends to read. So this chapter is VERY graphic. I felt like being creative! Don't read this if you don't want to be disturbed for the rest of your life. For those who know me- don't judge because I was able to write this so perfectly. :P JK. However, this does not follow my life AT ALL. Here you go! Chapter 30!**

* * *

_We are alone. Where are we, I don't know. Who am I with, I'm not sure about that either. All I know is that it's cold and they are the only once who I have right now. I can hear them move but I don't know where they are. I can't see at all. It's completely black and I can only listen. I can't move, can't smell, can't see. The person moves closer, I can hear the rustling of their clothes. Clothing? Do I have clothes on? I try to sense it but there is nothing. I can't tell if I'm wearing anything. I want to cover myself up but I can't move my arms to do it. I can hear a movement at my side. Finally my body gives me access to my vocal chords._

_"Who are you?" I ask, my voice echoes in the nothingness that surrounds me._

_"Who can you think of?" The voice is not familiar. It doesn't sound like a boy or a girl. This puzzles me._

_"I cannot think."_

_"And so I am what you cannot think of." This is really confusing. All I want to know is who this person is._

_"Don't mess with me. I just want to know who you are and where we are." I would really like this but the stranger does not comply._

_"You know exactly who I am. I am whoever you want me to be. We are wherever you want to be."_

_"What the hell are you talking about? I want to know where I am! Just tell me!" I am starting to get angry. Stranger doesn't seem to notice._

_"You are who you are, as am I. Where you are is where you want to be. Ask and it shall be given." This is confusing me yet I understand for once in this time._

_I decide that I am at home with Fred. And suddenly I have my senses and I can see, feel, smell, hear. The blackness melts away from my sight and replaced is the Burrow at Christmas with Fred sitting in the lounge on the brown leather couch. There is a fire is roaring in the large fireplace and the Christmas tree stands in the corner, gifts scatter the base of it._

_"Fred? Is it really you?" I ask. I hope that this isn't just a dream._

_"You mean to ask if I am me or if I am who you expected me to be?" They ask. This isn't Fred. He wouldn't say anything like that._

_"Both? But I can see that you aren't who I thought you to be." I replied. However, Fred just stood and walked up to me. I looked up into his green eyes and doubted myself for a second. But then I realized that Fred didn't have green eyes. His eyes were brown._

_"Who are you? Fred has brown eyes, as does George. The only person in our family who has green eyes is…" My voice trailed off as the figure in front of me transformed. I backed up into the wall behind me in terror as the changing figure advanced on me. His hair was thinning and falling out and he grew fatter, but only by a bit. He seemed older now. Then I realized that it was my father. My stomach dropped and I knew I was going to vomit._

_"You have disgraced our family! It's because of you that Molly is dead! And now this relationship between you and a Malfoy?" His hand raised and came down but I managed to dodge it and get off of the wall to get away from him._

_"Gah!" My father roared, "Stupid bitch! Get back here and take your beating! You deserve this and you know it!" My heart was pounding. I had to find a way out. I started for the front door but a strong hand grabbed my small wrist and pulled me back off my feet. I was being dragged out of the house._

_"You wanted out? You got out. Now it's no longer a private matter." I looked at where I was and started to cry. My arm still belonged to my father but surrounding me was everyone I thought dear. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Molly, Bill, Charlie. I looked past the head of my mother to find Raven. A look of hatred was in her eyes, shattering my heart. Then I looked next to her and saw Draco. He wore a smirk on his face and his eyes held an evil glare as he wound his arm around Hermione's waist. Hermione looked so smug in Draco's grasp. The pressure on my wrist increased and when I looked at it I saw blood running down my arm, getting absorbed by my shirt. My arm had been turned on like a faucet._

_"This is your punishment. You're going to endure the whole of it. Every time you cry, whimper, yelp, it's going to hurt even more. Hope you're friends have fun," He turned to everyone, "You may have your fun with her too." I was starting to cry but I knew I had to hold it together._

_My father pulled my arm so that my face was at his chest and ripped my hair back so my neck was fully exposed. He took the knife in his hand and dragged it down my face from temple to earlobe and I felt every inch of it and I tried to muffle my scream but I couldn't. It came out louder than I expected it to causing my father to press harder. My body was writhing in pain but I had to shut up. I felt the tears come to my eyes and tried to keep them in. It didn't work and they slid down my face._

_"Was that a_ tear _I saw? Harry, tell me if this is a tear," He called over Harry. His green eyes held a hint of lust and the rest was just pure evil. I knew this wouldn't end well for me._

_"Why yes, Arthur, it is a tear. May I?" He asked for my arm. My father turned me over to Harry's death grip and not only was it stronger, it was rougher. He pulled the hand holding me to my neck and pushed me against a tree. Then he pulled my face to his and whispered in my ear, "If you stop struggling, it will be more enjoyable." I stopped moving. I knew what he was going to do. My breath stopped but as soon as he said it his hand on my throat pulled my face to his and he devoured my lips with an intense passion. He forced his tongue into my mouth and ravished my mouth. The hand on my throat tightened, making it harder for me to breathe. Tear streamed down my face, mixing in my mouth with the taste of Harry and the taste of my fear._

_This felt so real. I could feel the bark against my back and Harry's body pressing against mine. I didn't like it one bit. Harry's free hand slid into my shorts and panties that I was unaware of until now and forced them down. He did the same to his pants and boxers and in one swift motion thrust himself into me. I yelped out in pain. This was too real. I was convulsing against Harry and the tree. My body wouldn't stop shaking and I couldn't stop my tears._

_With every thrust Harry made I would cry out in pain. It was then that I realized that I hated everyone. Harry especially. I screamed out in pain with every push and finally Harry became angry._

_"Shut up!" He backhanded me and became more violent with his thrusts. They were harder and faster. He ripped at my hair and forced his mouth back onto mine. I bit down on his tongue and I could feel his blood hit my tongue._

_"STUPID BITCH! You'll fucking pay for that!" He roared. He pulled out completely, turned me around and shoved my face into the tree. I felt my nose break the instant it touched the tree and I could feel the blood dripping down my face._

_Then the worst happened. It may have been the most painful feeling I have ever experienced. He thrust into my ass as hard as he possibly could have. I screamed out at the excruciating pain that ripped through my body as he penetrated the most sensitive part of me. I screamed the entire time until Harry ripped my hair back, tilting my head to him and covered my mouth with his hand._

_His thrusts became quicker and harder, each time I screamed into his hand until my throat because hoarse. I heard his start to grunt and his strokes became even fast, hurting even more. When he finally came he moaned and I just sobbed into his hand that still restricted my mouth. He pulled out and threw me by my neck onto the ground. I landed with another cry of pain. By this time my throat hurt with every breath I took and every whimper I made. I could no longer move but my body wouldn't stop convulsing. Harry pulled up his pants and walked back to the group._

_"Who's next?" He asked. Hermione stepped out first with Draco following behind her. As she approached me, I started to convulse even more; it felt like I was seizing. I could barely breath, I was crying so hard. Hermione crouched down beside me and Draco leaned against a tree and watched._

_Hermione pulled my head back by my hair and slapped my across my face, backhanding me harder not even a second after. I could taste the blood in my mouth from both my nose and the fierce hit Hermione had just given me. The bitch then took my head and threw it onto the ground with strength that astounded me. She stood up and kicked me in the stomach and the pelvis. Then she delivered the finishing blow to my face. I blacked out completely._

* * *

Ginny screamed as her eyes shot open. Her body felt as if it was on fire. She felt as though she had just gotten out of a fight with her father, loosing very badly this time. She could feel her body shaking with pain. Tears streamed down her face as she looked around at where she was.

She was in a forest on the ground with blood all around her. What she thought had been a dream had just become her worst nightmare.


	31. Page 31

**A/N Thank you for all the reviews! Sorry for the little cliffy at the end there, so in this chapter there is no real writing of Ginny's. So you are all going to hate me for the ending of this chapter... But review and send my story to other people! I love it when I see reviews and AA/SAs! Well enjoy!**

Ginny had been walking around, tears running down her face as she tried desperately to remember what had occurred last night. Her nose was definitely broken, she had bruises everywhere, it felt like a thousand needles were stabbing at her lungs when she tried to breath and her legs kept collapsing on her.

_"I'll never make it out of here"_ She thought to herself. She would have yelled but she couldn't use her voice. All that came out was air and even that hurt. The clothes on her body were covered in her blood from her broken nose, slit wrists, and the gash running down her face.

_"What _happened_?"_ Ginny thought to her self once more. These two words kept repeating over and over in her head. She could see the dream so clearly and yet she knew that it wasn't what had happened. She was convinced that she would have woken up, had she been violated the way Harry had done with her.

'_What happened?! I fell asleep, dreamt, and woke up. But- what about when I wasn't sleeping?' _Ginny groaned as her body moved. There was no visible way out but rustling of branches and the calling of birds were only coming from one side of the lonely girl. Ginny started to limp over towards the sounds. Every breath and movement hurt even more than the last one.

Ginny had no shoes on, her sleeping pants were ripped, and her shirt was covered in blood and also ripped. Her normally calm hair was now sticking up everywhere. Cuts that had scabbed over broke and were leaking droplets of blood down her arms and face. Her nose was smashed and Ginny could feel it with every breath she took through it.

_'The dream last night couldn't have been real because if it was, I would be hurting like I hurt when Ron had taken me into the forest in the beginning of the year.'_ Ginny thought.

Although she had only walked a little distance, Ginny was exhausted. The cold ground wasn't keeping her warm either. She needed to find a place to rest before she couldn't move anymore. Unfortunately, the woods were too thick to let her see any place she could make a home.

She looked around wildly and just started running in the first direction she felt like going. After a few minutes of running the little redhead collapsed on the cold forest floor, sobbing. She was never going to get out. Her brown eyes shut, leaking cold tears of hopelessness.

After deciding that she was going to give up and just lay in the cold, waiting for death, she heard a faint voice. It didn't sound like anything in particular except a voice. The words were not coherent but Ginny knew she wasn't imagining it.

Her brown eyes snapped open and she sniffled. Listening, she didn't hear anything. Then she heard the voice again. She still couldn't grasp her vocal chords so she just lay on the ground listening. She didn't have the strength to move to get to the voice.

"Ginny! Where are you?" The voice said almost next to her. She almost snapped her neck with the quick movements her head was making. She could see a movement through the trees but only a bit.

Something was coming towards her. She just lay on the ground waiting for them to find her. But minutes passed and the voice seemed farther and farther away every time she heard it. The person was moving away.

Ginny's eyes filled with tears as the voice soon turned into the howling of the wind that was blowing steadily. The trees around the heap of a girl were swaying with the hard wind.

Suddenly a limb from the tree above Ginny snapped off and fell with a slowness that paralyzed Ginny with fear. Ginny's scream echoed in the woods around her.

* * *

My eyes snapped open with the start of my alarm clock, set for seven. Ginny told me that an alarm clock would be a good idea if I wanted to get to may classes on time.

I swung my legs over the side of my bed and stretched before getting up to go to my trunk to get out my cloak and pants. I put everything on fairly quickly, even though I still had time until breakfast.

Ripping open my curtains, I saw that there were some dirt balls and leaves on the floor. Apparently someone had been up last night. Sneaking out- no doubt- to meet up with someone.

I flicked my wand and they immediately moved into the corner, then I levitated it into the rubbish bin. I glanced at Ginny's bed to find her curtain still shut but I could see her figure through the silhouette that the sun cast. I decided to let her sleep through breakfast because this was the first night that she had slept soundly through the night. So I snuck out the door quietly to go eat some breakfast.

After my transfiguration class I headed off to potions. I stopped short to see that Ginny wasn't in her seat. I did a quick scan of the room and couldn't see her flaming hair anywhere. I glanced at the time- it was 9:40. Ginny couldn't have overslept for that long! I knew I didn't have enough time to go back up to Gryffindor tower to get her up.

Snape walked in, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Open your books to page 364." I did so and saw that we were learning the Runespoor potion. I skimmed the page and saw that you needed a partner to do the potion with. I raised my hand when the other students got up to fetch their ingredients for the potion. Snape didn't see me; he was too busy working with other kids.

I approached Snape and his eyes snapped to me. Turning his head he seemed to have a knowing smirk on his face.

"Yes Ms. Raven? May I help you?" He sneered at me. I hated how Snape looked and how he talked.

"Professor, I was wondering if I could go fetch Ginny from her room as it seems that she over slept… Again." Snape just smirked and looked around.

"I think we could find you a partner somewhere… Now let's see…" He stopped and turned back towards me with a grimace. "Well unfortunately, I cannot let you leave my class to get princess Weasley. You'll have to finish the potion without a partner. Oh well."

"But sir—"

"Now, you can see that everyone else has remembered to wake up in time for my class. Miss Weasley is _not_ an exception. I hope she will remember this during her detention tomorrow night and also the next night. Now go and concoct your potion." Snape turned on his heel and strutted over to the cauldron that had just emitted a deep red smoke.

I had to finish the entire potion without a partner. I managed not to screw up until the end, when I added too much fog juice and the entire room had to be evacuated because it was full of fog. I felt bad but I was angrier at Ginny because had she gotten up, she would have been able to help me.

After class I ran up to the dormitory and ripped back Ginny's curtain to find that her bed had been charmed to have a silhouette of Ginny. She wasn't really there.

Well shit.

Ginny would never skip class. I saw her go to bed last night. What happened while I was asleep?

Then I remembered the dirt. _Ginny had been taken outside._ That was the only thing I could think of. The dirt and leaves had come from outside and I didn't even think about checking to see who's shoes it came off of.

I grabbed my heavy cloak and my snow boots and ran to the front doors, flung them open, and sprinted outside into the cold.

I ran to the Forest and entered it, feeling the warmth of the trees change the temperature. It was still cold but it wasn't as frightfully cold as it was outside of the forest.

If Ginny _were _in here, she would still be alive. She would just be really cold… And Ginny could only endure so much. I called out her name as loud as I could. I didn't hear anything but the rustle of leaves in the forest and the echo my voice made.

After about an hour of wandering and calling out her name, I gave up on my search for Ginny. That's when I heard a loud crack and a scream echo through the forest.

Ginny.

* * *

**_A/N: So I know I had another little cliffie at the end here but I truthfully couldn't keep writing. I hope I can think of something to continue the story with... And I hope you realize that it was Raven's P.O.V. at the end, here. If you didn't... Well you do now! Please review and request!_**


	32. Page 32

A/N Sorry for the cliffy at the ends but I really couldn't think of anything to write about. I'm sorry that this is so late, I've been having some… issues at home. Well here you go, the next chapter! And I'm going to add a little more Draco this time! ;P

Ginny screamed out in terror as the giant branch fell towards her. Luckily, she was pulled out of the way by rough hands. The branch landed with a thud as Ginny opened her eyes to find a small, sharp twig, inches away from her face, imbedded in the hard ground. She let out a breath she had been holding, waiting for the end, oblivious to the fact that someone was kneeling beside her, still holding onto her arm. Her eyes opened even more to find that it was Draco kneeling next to her.

Draco didn't say anything but looked into Ginny's deep brown eyes, almost getting lost in them. But only almost. He looked away, worried that Ginny would see he fear and worry hidden in his eyes. She seemed to have missed it, though. But when Draco looked away she finally spoke in a shaky, hoarse voice.

"Thank you. For… Saving me," She said, hating to break the silence. Draco looked back at her and started talking when he heard the sound of leaves crunching and Ginny's name being called. Both of their heads snapped towards the sound and Ginny inhaled sharply, afraid of whom it was but then let out a breath as she only saw Raven

Raven heard the scream and ran toward the source of the commotion. For a distance, she could see two people in a clearing, a large branch lying next to them, and Ginny on the ground. Into her head popped the worst case scenario of this scene. Raven jogged towards the two people and upon seeing the second from a closer view, she made him out to be Draco Malfoy. Theirs heads snapped towards her and with both eyes being on her she knew that everything was all right.

She started at the two figures on the ground. Draco's silver eyes penetrated her body like little pins beings brushed over her skin and her skin flushed with heat. She tore her eyes away and rested them upon her brown-eyed friend beside him. She knew who it was but she couldn't believe it.

Ginny was lying on the ground, feebly propped up on one skinny arm. She was skinny, much skinnier than Raven had ever seen. Her facial features were sunken into her face, making her head look like a skull covered in skin. Her hair was a total mess, full of leaves and dirt. It was dull- not her usual bright, fiery red. Then, when she approached even further, she looked into her friend's eyes and gasped. Her usually bright eyes were dull and it was almost as if Raven could see straight into her soul. However, her soul was shattered, broken, empty, pretty much everything that Raven worried would happen if Ginny didn't get help.

Raven bent down and loosely embraced Ginny, worried that if she squeezed, even the least bit, Ginny would snap like a twig. Ginny tensed and didn't hug back. She was too paranoid that if she did, something would happen. This was too good to be true. Tears came to both girls' eyes as they shared the same thought: _Thank God._ Draco sat next to them, watching in an awkward silence, as the two friends were reunited.

"I… I was so… Worried… About you… Have no idea… How scared… Oh Ginny!" Raven choked out between her sobs. After about a minute, the two calmed down and Raven draped her cloak over Ginny and both she and Draco pulled the unsteady, broken girl to her feet.

The walk back to the castle was silent as Raven and Draco noted all of Ginny's multiple wounds. They came to the silent agreement that the Hospital Wing was the best choice for Ginny. When the trio entered that castle, they were pleased to find that classes were in session so there were no students roaming the halls.

When Ginny tried to take her first step up the entrance stairs, pain shot up her legs and through her body. She couldn't handle it and her legs buckled. Shutting her eyes, she waited for the pain of hitting the cold hard floor but when she didn't feel anything, she sighed and slipped into an unconscious state.

She opened her eyes to see herself moving with incredible speed through the air. She couldn't feel anything but the cool air hitting her face and warmth surrounding her body. She was flying through the air without moving a muscle. Flicking her eyes around, she saw Raven beside her.

Even though Ginny knew she was safe and out of the forest, she couldn't bring herself to feel any emotions. No happiness, thankfulness, relief, or gladness of any kind. Before she shut her eyes again, she felt an are around her back and saw fingers around her arm and finally felt the warm, friendly embrace of her savior, Draco Malfoy.

Draco hurried to the Hospital Wing with Ginny in his arms and Raven walking beside them. Ginny stirred in her unconscious state for a few moments but then Draco felt her go limp once again. He quickened his pace even more, thinking only about getting her to the Wong as fast as he could.

When the trio arrived at the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfry let out a cry of surprise, then horror as she laid her eyes on the broken Ginny in Draco's arms.

"What's happened? Here did you find her?" She asked as she pulled out various bottles from her multiple cabinets, charmed her blankets to keep Ginny warm, and pulled out, what looked like, surgical supplies.

Ginny's clothes transformed from her tatters to a gown as she lay under her cover. Pomfry went to uncap a bottle when she realized she wasn't alone in her room. "Could you two please wait outside for a while I fix her up?" She asked without laying an eye on the two whom nodded and walked out the large doors and sat on two benches across from each other. The silence between them was as thick as a stone wall.

Draco watched Raven diligently as they sat in the silence. Her green eyes were cast downwards, looking only as the floor, tears obviously forming in them. Her face turned red and her hair fell to cover her face. Draco knew that she was crying. Finally, her shoulders started shaking with sobs and she put her face in her hands.

The tears fell freely from her eyes, hitting the floor with quiet thuds. Her shoulders shook even more violently, trying to keep her breathing quiet, unfortunately failing. Thoughts of the past two days flooded through her head and she felt like being sick. Just thinking about it made her shudder.

Raven didn't hear the movement or the wood creak as weight was added to it so when she felt warm arms wrap around her shoulders, her head snapped up instinctually, smacking Draco in his chin, causing him to groan in pain.

"Oh Malfoy! I'm so sorry!" Raven repeated over, through Draco's moans of pain.

"Damn, this is what I get for trying to show compassion… Arg…" He continued moaning as Raven continued to apologize until he stopped her.

"It's okay- seriously. I've had worse," He stopped, having said too much. Raven's face turned into a frown.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Nothing. Forget I ever said anything…" He bot back. He wasn't about to spill his guts to a girl he barely knew.

The silence came back tenfold, sinking into the two sitting next to each other. Raven was curious about Draco and she couldn't help but break the ice… Again.

"So why were you in the woods?" She asked. Draco's cold eyes snapped up to meet the green ones, looking for an answer which he did not give. Why _had_ he been there?

"I was walking…" He started.

"In the Forest," she said. It wasn't a question.

"Yes- in the Forest," he drawled, "I needed a place I know will be undisturbed well- other than the few creatures running past. It's quiet, calm, mysterious," he seemed captivated by his words. "Anyways, I heard a cry that wasn't animal so I started moving towards it and I saw Ginny and I ch," He caught himself. "Watched as Ginny lay on the forest floor. I started moving faster until I was right next to her when I saw the branch snap. I grabbed her at the last second." He remembered how they had watched each other for the few moments, but her didn't add that in.

"Oh… Well thanks for saving her. I was looking for her because she didn't show up to her classes and she wasn't in her bed. If you weren't there, she wouldn't be alive right now."

Draco didn't know what to say. He had just saved the one person he was destined to kill. He was in a load of shit and he wasn't going to get out of it any time soon.


	33. Page 33

**A/N: Sorry for the serious lack of updates… I really haven't had time to update and I've been having massive writer's block. I just can't think of anything to continue the story off of. I'm going to be ending it really soon so I'm sorry if you guys expected a lot more… Here's the next chapter!**

"Dear Diary,

Draco? Are you shitting me? He is the LAST person I would expect to save me. He's always been a prick and then he saves me? But his eyes… They are just so dreamy… And his hair… The way it is just arranged on his head… It's so- perfect. But whatever. I've been kept in the Infirmary for my "near death" experience but they're keeping me here because they found out that I cut…

Draco knows too. He finally came to me and we talked about it. He knows some people who do it and he said that it was my decision in life but that if I ever needed him, he'd be there for me. This really touched me. Turns out that the snake has a heart! But he doesn't want to see another one of his friends off themselves. He cares for me. He doesn't even know me!

I guess no one knows me… Only Raven and she is only one person. But she only puts up with me. I'll bet that if she had never found out, she would hold no compassion for me.

A letter was also sent home to my parents. Just wonderful. So mum knows about it and she is just getting on my nerves. She won't leave me alone about it and tries to visit me every day and "talk" to me about it. She wants to know why I did it. What made me so desperate? I just sit there and stare straight ahead and ignore her. I mean, it was her fault that she left me unprotected in the claws of father. If she hadn't left, I wouldn't be in the damn situation.

She had asked me about my scars before. Of course I lied to her and this lasted- what? 2 years? 3 at the most. She could have seen this shit whenever she wanted to! I can't believe she was so believing about it. Now she kicks herself in the ass but whatever. She deserves it for not caring enough…

So Raven's visited me like. Twice but I really haven't seen a lot of her. Maybe she's just busy with something but I hope she's not mad at me… Pomfry just checked up on me and says that I'm allowed to leave but I have to come back every day to check up on me (i.e. making sure I don't rip open my arms) and therapy (for both my incident and my cutting). Seriously, they are just putting me on lockdown…

Whatever… My life sucks anyways- why not just make it worse? Right? Whatever. I'm just gonna leave. Coming back at 7 for therapy? Yeah… Sure… Bitch…

Ginny"

Ginny shut her diary and buried it deep into her bag, slid her legs to the side of the bed and stood. Then she collapsed back into bed. Her head was pulsating from getting up too fast and her vision was hazy. However, once it cleared she stood up and trudged out of the hospital wing where she turned the corner and found herself at the staircases. She mounted the staircase to the Gryffindor Tower.

The first three flights of stairs were easy but when she started on the last set of stairs, she was completely out of breath and sank down to the floor to take a break. However, instead of just resting she passed out completely.

* * *

Raven was walking up the stairs from the fifth floor of the castle to get to Gryffindor Tower when Draco jumped onto the stairs with her.

"Hello Raven," the blonde boy said without making eye contact.

"Malfoy. Can I help you?" She said, trying not to snap.

"Yes, actually. I went to check up on Red to find her not in her bed." Raven's eyebrow's shot up. She had been avoiding Ginny for a little, so when this information came out she was quite surprised.

"They let her out?" Now it was Draco's turn to be surprised. And suspicious. Raven did not want her to be let out? She thought Ginny was that bad?

"You didn't want her released? I thought you two were friends." He said. Not like he cared, but Ginny had limited friends and knowing that Raven was no longer her friend, Draco worried that she might try to permanantly end her life.

"I highly doubt you care if we are friends or not, but I am her friend. I worry about her and I don't think she should have been let out until she…" Raven stopped. She didn't really know why she didn't want Ginny out. It must have been because she didn't want to take care of her at 2 in the morning when she tries to kill herself again. Life had been nice when Ginny was in the hospital and now that she was out, life would get complicated again.

"Whatever. It's none of my business. Just listen," Draco's ice blue eyes met Raven's green eyes with suspicion and accusation. He thought that she didn't care about Ginny anymore, "I don't want to see Ginny in a coffin. Or being found in a river. Don't let her kill herself. And make sure her dick of a brother doesn't get to her."

Raven was surprised. Draco cared for Ginny? This was a complete shock.

"Why do you care about her so much?"

"I don't." And with that, Draco stepped off the staircase on the sixth floor and turned into the archway and walked down the hallway, leaving Raven to get on the next flight of stairs.

However, when Raven hopped on the staircase, she stopped. Ginny was on the floor, passed out by the looks of it.

"Ginny!" Raven screamed and ran up to her and shook her. The redhead's eyes snapped open.

"What'sgoingon?" Ginny screamed, surprised to be violently woken up from her deep slumber.

"You're on the stairs Ginny! What happened?"

"I was walking back to the common room and I must have fallen asleep," she said groggily. Raven was still worried about her and helped her up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower and when they entered, the room fell silent.

Eyes bore themselves into Ginny and all she wanted was to leave. She just wanted to sleep and according to the looks of it, there was a slim chance that she was going to be able to get out. Yet she hadn't done anything wrong which was why all the angry stares confused her.

"What are you looking at?" Raven yelled to the room. Seamus was the only one to respond.

"It's not you were lookin' at, if you're wonderin'. It's the little Slytherin whore you're carryin'. Draco Malfoy- eh? Bit low even for you." He sneered at Ginny. Her eyes began to water and Raven had had enough bullshit for one day.

"You shut your half-blood mouth, Seamus!" Seamus' face turned a dark red, as the room became even more silent. "So what if she hangs out with Malfoy? You've never been concerned about her so why start now? Merlin's beard! You're all accusing her of _sleeping_ with the man! They barely talk in general! So tell me, when did you see them together? Was it _after_ he saved her life or before?" All the people in the room seemed shocked to hear that Draco Malfoy had saved Ginny's life.

"Yeah he saved her life! He has a heart that seems to be bigger than all of your combined so I don't want to hear another word out of you lot." She pointed her wand at Seamus with her eyes directed at everyone, "Understand?" He gulped and nodded- eyes wide.

"Good. Now we're going to bed and if any of you give Ginny a hard time, I will take it upon myself personally to hunt you down and you will pay for it dearly. Trust me." And with that, she pulled Ginny up the stairs to their room and laid her down in her bed. Within seconds, she was back asleep.

* * *

Ginny acted a bit strange the next few days. She wouldn't make eye contact with anyone, she kept her head low as if avoiding people. Raven began worrying about her even more. And to top that, Ginny didn't speak to anyone. It was as if her stay in the hospital had changed her.

Raven decided to talk to her after their potions class let out. Ginny had grabbed her books and smoothly deposited them into her bag and left the room without making a sound. Raven grabbed her stuff and leapt up to chase after her.

"Ginny stop!" But Ginny kept moving at her quick pace. Raven had to jog to catch up with her.

"Ginny please stop! You're scaring me and I need you to tell me what's wrong!" Raven pleaded, trying to make Ginny speak. Ginny stopped walking and looked Raven in the eye. Her soul seemed to be peering out of them and Raven cringed at the sight.

"Ginny, I can help you. Draco-"

"Don't mention Draco to me. Nobody can help. Not you, not Draco, not Pomfry, nobody. Don't you _get it_? There _is_ no helping me. No matter what you do I'll still be like this. Look, I've thought really hard about this and I just can't take it anymore. Nothing seems to help. Cutting, stopping, talking about my non-existent feelings? None of that stuff helps! I haven't felt an emotion since I felt relief in the woods. I haven't felt happy, sad, angry, nothing! It toggles between unhappiness and content.

"Tell me this. What is my purpose in life?" Ginny looked at Raven who had no answer, "The conclusion I have come to is simple. I have no purpose in life. My life is meaningless. You are the only person that shows compassion and possibly love towards me and the rest? Well you heard them in the common room. Nobody. Cares.

"It's a wonder why you care about me so much. If I were you I would have given up a long time ago. Raven do yourself a favour and leave me alone. Just forget about me and it'll all be fine. Okay?" Ginny's cold eyes peered into Raven's. Tears were cascading down Raven's face at these harsh words. Her chest ached with the pain she felt coming from Ginny.

"You're wrong," Raven shook her head, "You're wrong. People care about you. I do, Draco does. The teachers do."

"Raven! Get it through your head! _Nobody. Wants. Me,_" Ginny punctuated every word. Raven just kept shaking her head.

"Ginny please don't do this to me. Please stop arguing with me. You're like my sister-"

"Sisters don't have to take care of another sister who almost kills herself day after day! I'm never going to stop! Just accept this fact and move on! Please..." Ginny had almost given up. Finally Raven stood up straight.

"I won't do it. But Ginny, if you try anything, so help me..." She didn't know what to say. Sighing, she turned and headed to her next class leaving Ginny in the hallway to think about her words. She was so screwed.


	34. Page 34

**A/N: Hi sorry that it's taken me so long to update this story. I'm really sorry and I'm excited (sad for you) that I'm going to be finishing the story soon. I've decided that there are only 4 more chapters left but I'm not going to do a half-ass job on these chapters.**

**If you haven't noticed, I've updated the first 5 or 9 (I lost count) chapters. I decided that they were poorly written and I could have done a better job- so go back and read the first few chapters that I've updated. Once again I'm sorry for the super long delay but here's chapter 34! I'm breaking it into two parts because I'm a terrible person. ;) So I hope you comment on this! I want at LEAST 3 or 4 comments for me to post the next half of the chapter! Enjoy!**

Dear Diary,

It's Christmas and Draco and I decided to stay at the castle for break. I didn't tell anyone but Raven- who is still mad at me… But she's staying too. I'm so excited because Draco told me that we were going to dinner tonight (Christmas Eve) and after, he's going to show my something. I really can't wait any longer- I want tonight to come more that anyone knows.

I haven't seen Draco for two days and I already miss his presence… For some reason, whenever I'm with him I just feel so much happier- so much more alive. Like I can feel myself growing and breathing and using my organs (wow that sounds kinda creepy). I can always hear my heart when I'm with him and I just feel like I can fly.

What kills me, though, is that we can never tell anyone that we're together. It's deemed "improper" for us to be together but something about Draco constantly pulls me to him. Maybe it's the face that we're so alike but so different. I mean- he grew up surrounded my riches and servants and I grew up separated from my family, with nothing but myself for company. He has money- I live in dirt. But we're so alike. We both are strong, athletic, smart, not to mention that we're both abuse victims. There. I said it. I'm an abuse victim and I cut. Blah I sound like I'm in therapy or something.

But with me, what you see is what you get. I've seen this side of me. I look depressed, sad, unhappy, weak- and I am. But with Draco, you see a strong, handsome man but underneath he hurts and cries. His cuts run as deep as mine. But even if his façade is tough and arrogant, he hurts and it reflects on his arms. He yells, cries, laughs- he _feels_ which is more that you can say for me… I go between numb, depressed, and almost dead. Bu with Draco I feel emotions I haven't felt for years. I feel happy, giddy, excited.

I need to go eat breakfast and get washed up so I can look good. And I have to finish my homework but that isn't as important. Well I'll write how it went- if I haven't forgotten!

So this is farewell, Diary.

Love,

Ginny.

With a light thud, the deep red diary shut in pale hands. Ginny whipped back the curtains, after making sure her diary was tucked between the bed frame and the mattress, and squinted as she saw that the sun was beating down brightly. The snow made it ten times brighter and it seared itself into her eyes. As her feet touched the floor, she yawned and stretched and got out of bed. Only a few minutes later she was dressed in her warm sweats and her hand knit sweater that still fit her after all this time.

*****FLASHBACK*****

"Molly! Hurry up with the food! Don't make me come into that kitchen!" Arthur roared from the living room. His fat ass sat in his reclining chair as hit feet were propped up on the mantle in front of the fire. All the boys and Hermione crowded in a little circle, some sitting on the floor while others sat on chairs and sofas. Ginny was behind the sofa sitting curled up after being slapped by her father in front of the whole family for opening her gift before everyone else had finished. Arthur had taken her new pair of shoes and thrown them into the fire. Ginny could only watch and refrain from crying.

Ron and Percy glanced at each other with dark, menacing eyes and nodded in approval. However, only a few seconds later, trays of food flew through the kitchen door and arranged themselves on the dining room table. Molly came through the door holding a huge, golden-brown, perfectly cooked goose with a fake, bright smile plastered on her face.

"Dinner," she said, motioning to the table and bowing a bit, "is served." All the men (and Hermione) leapt up and rushed to gather around the table. The sound of scratching chairs and the clink of silverware resounded through the little room and it made hard for Ginny to hear her mother call her into the kitchen.

"You hungry love?" She asked with a soft look. Ginny nodded and hugged her mother. Molly laughed and led her to a little table that had a lit candle and trays of food floating around it. They sat down and started devouring the smaller portions saved for them. They ate, talked, and laughed until a bell rang from the other room.

Molly quickly stood and ran out of the kitchen. Or a few seconds all you could here were some orders and then Molly said something. Laughter erupted and suddenly a crash was heard followed by yelling and then another crash. When everything seemed to have been okay, Molly came hurtling through the door into the sink, thrown by a strong force.

Molly landed by the sink and quickly looked up at Ginny. Her face was swollen, lip broken, nose bleeding, but her eyes held strength and determination. But behind the strength Ginny could plainly see fear.

"Run," she commanded Ginny quietly, "run and hide." Ginny didn't need to be told twice. She ran to the cupboard that was in the far corner of the room and shut the door. However, because she was inside- it didn't shut all the way and she could watch through a small crack. However, she wished she hadn't

"Bitch! How _dare_ you defile me in front of my own family! How _dare_ you try to laugh at me- even worse- try and get everybody to side with you and laugh at me? ME?" Molly didn't even cower. Even being smacked across the face after every sentence, she still stood tall.

"Your temper overpowers you. It's called a _joke_," she said, punctuating the last word. Arthur looked as if he was ready to kill. Unbeknown to Ginny, he really was ready to kill.

"You do not have the right to laugh at me! Stupid itch- you will NEVER speak to me like that again!" Arthur's hands were still beating Molly's still form until they moved up to her throat and stopped- squeezing with all of his force. Molly still didn't struggle. She stayed calm- almost as if this had happened multiple times before.

Arthur's eyes were wild as he spoke, "You think I won't do it? You think I'll let you go this time? You think I'm a _coward?_" He asked, slowly increasing pressure on Molly's throat. Molly just laughed- determination in her eyes.

"You've done this too many times. I'm tired of you. Either let me go or finish me off," she said thoughtfully. Ginny gasped quietly to herself. Her _mother_ wanted out? She continued watching as Arthur stopped. His hands weren't as strained and his eyes seemed to calm.

Confusion crossed his face for a second and then his eyes grew black. Something in his mind snapped as he yelled, "_**NO! ENOUGH!" **_His hands clenched her throat as his grip increased tenfold. Molly choked and her eyes bugged out of her reddening face. She struggled at his grip but it only increased. Failed attempts to breath pushed more air out of her lungs, causing her to emit a strangled choke. Finally, Molly's eyes rolled back into her head and she became still.

Tears were freely falling from Ginny's face as she watched the violent murder through the cupboard door. She muffled her sobs by biting down on her arm, drawing some blood. Her eyes- her fragile mind couldn't handle watching the torture so she looked away at the end. Once her eyes left the door, she heard the thud as her mother's body hit the ground. Ginny sobbed harder as she heard footsteps walking towards the door.

Her father never found out she was hiding in the cupboard. However, Ginny was scarred for life after that night. Her heart turned cold and she put a wall up around it as the last person she loved was taken by her father. She promised that she would never get as close to anyone again so that her father could never take them from her.

*****END FLASHBACK*****

Ginny had never celebrated Christmas after that day. _'Maybe this year will be different- I finally have someone to celebrate it with!' _She thought. A slight smile crossed her face at the thought of Draco whom she was going to see in a few hours. He had told her that he'd planned something special for her and she was dying to find out. Knots entangled themselves in her stomach as she anticipated what it might be.

The day passed in a blur in which Ginny barely participated. Through homework and meals, Ginny had lost track of time and when her watched chimed that it was 3 o'clock, her eyes widened in surprise. She ran to her dorm and stripped to nothing but a towel and hopped in the shower. She quickly washed her hair, conditioned it, and scrubbed her face and body. When she got out, she said a quick drying spell and then magically removed the hair from her legs and arms, leaving them completely smooth.

After rummaging through her closet, Ginny had two possible outfits that she could wear on her date. She only had 2 hours left until Draco would be left waiting for her. On her bed were two articles of clothing: a pair of jeans and a dress. She didn't know if she wanted to wear her dark blue skinny jeans with her cute gray and black sweater that was in her closet or her deep green dress.

As Raven passed by Ginny's room she heard a heavy sigh— a clothing-decision-making sigh. She backed up two steps and peered into the dorm where she saw a confused Ginny standing at the edge of her bed.

"What's the occasion?" She asked with a hint of distaste. Raven still wasn't speaking to Ginny other than an occasional "Hello." Sure, she might have been PMSing when she snapped at Ginny but she _had_ meant it. Ginny had been, unknowingly, blowing her off to constantly be with Draco. This left Raven alone. She, in turn, started hanging out with Blaise more, learning a lot about him in the past two weeks.

Blaise was from a rich family like Raven's and it turned out that they knew each other from a long time ago when they were neighbors. When neither was hanging out with their friends (Blaise with Draco and Raven with Ginny) the two would take walks together, study together, and eat together. Raven now had another friend she could be with so that when Ginny blew her off for Draco, she knew that Draco was blowing off Blaise and that made them both lonely. So they found comfort in each other's loneliness.

Ginny wheeled around at the sound of Ravens voice and stared. Raven leaned against the doorframe with her legs and arms crossed over each other. Maybe she was alright again. It had been about two weeks since she'd last spoken to Ginny so it was kind of a big deal.

"Just a dinner date with Draco…" Ginny trailed off as Raven peered past her at her bed. Her eyes scanned the clothes that were displayed on her bed.

"It's snowing. You'd be a fool to go outside with a dress on. You'll freeze and die. The jeans are hot and will go great with…" She walked over to Ginny's trunk and opened it, browsing through the abundance of clothes. "Aha," she said as she found what she was looking for, "here. This gray and black sweater," she said holding up the sweater that the red-head had been thinking about.

Ginny smiled. Raven still knew her so well.

"Thanks Ray. And come here!" She ran to Raven and tackled her in a bone-crushing hug. About two hours later, Ginny was ready.

"You look gorgeous Gin-Bear. Really a sight for sore eyes," Raven said with her hands on her hips. Ginny stood in front of the full body mirror and took in her beauty. For such a long time, Ginny had been looking dead and desolate- her eyes only sockets and her skin a sickly pale color.

However, tonight her skin was a pretty pale that shone in the proper light. Her hair was a deep, silky red that Raven had curled so perfectly that it flowed down her face and bunched up at her shoulders. Her eyes were outlined in a solid black with a dust of green on her lids. The mascara that was applied to her eyelashes made her eyes stand out the most. Her rosy lips looked a bit more plump than usual, due to the lipstick that she wore. Her cheeks had just a slight blush on them, making her look so alive. The sweater dipped to just above her breasts, and a dragon pendant on a chain drew attention to her chest.

The sweater ended just as her jeans began so whenever she moved, a bit of skin showed- but just a bit. It clung tight to her form, accentuating her skinny waist and causing her breasts to look just a bit larger. Her jeans cupped her ass, making it look so very tempting. She wore tall, wool boots to keep her feet warm and a cute dark gray pea coat on top. She also had a cashmere scarf to wrap around her neck if she got cold.

Turning around once more to assess herself, Ginny jumped up in delight and squeaked. She ran and hugged Raven for helping her and then proceeded to run down to the Entrance Hall, where she was going to meet Draco. When she got to the top of the stairs her heart stopped.

**Yeah so I know I'm a terrible person and left you with a cliff hanger. But y'all need to review for me to put up the next chapter. Don't forget to read the newly refurbished chapters that were once bad. :) **


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